TAYLOR SWIFT!

OMFG! OMFG! OMFG! Last night was incredible! I got to see my idol, my inspiration, my favourite singer perform live! That's right, after 5 years of being a fan finally got to see Taylor Swift perform at the ACC! And what a fucking PHENOMENAL show it was! Honestly Taylor Swift puts on the best stage performance I can imagine. Even Jeff agreed that she is the best he has seen when it comes down to stage performances and he has seen a lot of concerts.

Thats right my baby came with me and he enjoyed it. Taylor Swift is amazing live! She actually sounds like she does on her album! I have heard her before on awards shows and such but those shows are nothing...NOTHING compared to what she actually sounds like up close and personal! I still can't believe I got the chance to see her!

My mind was blown last night! Jeff was surprised with how quickly she could change outfits...shed switch a dress in like 5 seconds! It was amazing! I screamed, danced, and sang the ENTIRE time! I never sat down once after she appeared on stage! I nearly lost my voice...and thats how it should be when you go see the ONE singer you would die to see...and I saw her!

And thats just the start to this weekend! Today Jeff and I got see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 in 3D! I am sooo stoked! I know I;m going to cry...I know I'm going to laugh...and I know it's gonna be the end... it's a depressing thought but exciting as well!

I bought a purple Speak Now bracelet, 2 leather taylor swift bracelets (one speak now, one fearless), as well as a purple Taylor Swift Speak Now World Tour bag, thats also purple. Jeff bought me t-shirt!


Overall it was just an amazing concert though. Taylors stage presence is.... its like....I don't know. The crowd loved her too....I swear we didnt stop screaming for her! I loe her so much! And since Jeff enjoyed it so much...and since i will hopefully have my g2 by next year...and since I already have a car.... and since I have a credit card...yeah I plan on going to ALL her concerts in T.O. or the surronding area....yup I will. I cant believe how amazing it was...actually I can but Still!

I am sitting here listening to Taylor Swift as I write this...my post-swift-ness never leaves me! It's a non-stop Taylor Swift show for me! I will forever relive her performance every time I listen to one of her songs now!

An overly excited,
Nessie <3

I GOT A JOB!

I am soooooo excited! I GOT A JOB! Yes, after a MONTH of searching endlessly, I have finally found employment! AND ITS AT A DAY CARE CENTER with the TODDLER age group! So, in reality, I am not starting a job....I'm starting my CAREER! I am so happy!

The center is really good as well! AND i know one of the toddlers as well! Sumer's mom is quite happy about the fact that Im working at the centre her daughter is in! And Sumer just LOVES me too! I went in to observe on Thursday morning, to see how I handled myself in the room and with the children, and Sumer smiled at me and played with me, as well as some of the other children as well!

It happen fast too! I had the interview Tuesday and it was a very informal interview and I wasnt sure how much i would like it, but when they called me wednesday and asked if I could come in Thursday for the observation i thought what the hell, I need a job...and I actually ended up really liking it!

I start Monday, 11 an hour, benefits, and come october I get an automatic bonus! So things have worked out after all!

I am really happy about all of this!
Nessie <3

Songs and poems...

So just wanted to say I've made a new blog for songs and poems so it doesnt clutter this blog up too much!

COMPUTER!!

SOOOO excited! I got my computer back on Thursday! Bad side...the guy I stole internet from has passworded his internet so I gotta travel to the library everyday to use their WiFi...ah well! I am just so happy to have my laptop back!

In other news....fuck it was cold on Sunday! Jeff ha a baseball game and I sat outside in the freezing cold rain for 2 and a half hours! I was sooo fucking cold! AND I had on a sweater, my coat AND jeffs sweater! But seriously it was cold! Their team lost by 1 run too :( they woulda won had the captain called it at the 5th inning like the other team wanted but they decided to play it out another 2 innings and ended up losing by 1...1 run! AH well even though it was cold, I always love watching my baby play...oh the things I do for love!!

Ive been so fucking bored these past few days but i cant seem to find a fucking job! I was supposed to have an interview with a couple this week but they fucking canceled on me because they found care through a neghbor! UGH so annoying! However I did get a reply back from a centre I emailed a month ago that they were iterested in an interview with me so....fingers crossed!!!

Anywho... I dont have much more to say I guess....supposed to be handing out resumes tomorrow..OH wait Jeff got a new job! I am so happy for him!!! <3 <3 thins are looking up for him...now just gotta get things up for me!

Ok now Im done...I think...fuck im gonna be bored...guess its time to go home and read....again...like ive been doing the past 3 weeks....*sigh*

Till later,
Nessie <3

Catch up!

Wow has it ever been a while since I last posted! Let's see what's happened since then...

Well I've offically moved into Jeff's! Thats right Jeff and I are now living together! It's not much different then it was before when I would spend most of my days there, however with the adjustment of my things and his things and how each of us do things...yeah its an adjustment, but we're doing it.There are going to be ups and downs, but in the end I know we will make it work because we both love each other very much and can work through anything.

Next thing...I finished school! With very good marks as well! I finished with an 82% average this semester, and 81% average overall of all 4 semesters! I am so proud of myself!! But of course this brings me to finding a job, which of course is not an easy thing! It's very frustrating and a never ending process but I really need one, as I only have enough money for rent next month and then...I'm broke. But I'm working on it...

Oh! And speaking of finishing school I went to Rev with a bunch of friends to celebrate the end of school....yeah it sucked, I hated it. SOOOO not club girl! First of all the music was shit, it sucked! Nothing good AT ALL to dance to! Also, drinks are too expensive, I only bought one and it cost me 6 bucks! (however I had drank before we went, and let me tell you, the predrink was SOOmuch better than the actual drinking!) And guys just fucking PISS ME OFF! what gives you the right to grab someones waist and try to pull them into a dance! (this happened twice! UGH!!!) and what the fuck makes you think I want you touching my fucking ass! (an asshole did this and I was sooo disgusted! EWW!) and I hate guys coming up to me and two guys did just that to compliment me on myoutfit (they only did it cuz it was low cut). So not going there again! Did not have a good time! However I am up for stampede, which I believe Jane is gonna let me know the next time she goes, cuz hey, Im a country girl!

I've also did all but my in car dirvers trianing and I really enjoyed it! The in class stuff was really fun actually, as the instructor was really funny and kept it interesting! I liked it...now I just want some more practice on the road before I do the in car hours so that I actually pass it with a good mark!

Downside of things...my fucking computer messed up and I had to take it in to be fixed so I am stuck coming to the library every day to use the computer for an hour or so so I can check my email and look for a job. Sucks cuz I can't do the things I enjoy doing (like writing) and I havent gotten to see Starship yet (starkids newest musical!!!) and I am DYING to watch it! Oh well guess I'll have to wait for the call that says my computer is ready! (they said 10-15 business days...its been 11 lol)

I also was very sick the last week of school and sooooo should not have been there AT ALL but seeing as I had finals and shit to do I went, feelings like I was going to puke...which may be the reason I got 56% on myone exam...I couldnt focus on what I was reading and could not recall ANYTHING! Not to mention the fact that the stupid teacher decided presentations was a better way for us to learn than, you know, her actually teaching us! Sure I can read the text book and go oer the slides on my own, but I'm not going to fully understand unless they are explained to me...which they werent! Oh well its over at least...

This past weekened was amazing too :) Friday a bunch of Jeffs family went to the Mandrine to celebrate the graduation of me, his mom, and sister in law! We all finished school this pastmonths! His mom and Bruce got me the dresser :) I got tulips from a family friend...or cousin..im not really sure haha but they were pretty :) And my love Jeffie got me a BEAUTIFUL boquet of lillies and other flowers, as well as money in a card which went towards a new camera since the lens on my other ones busted somehow..everyone keeps sayig it was cu I was drunks but I WASNT! I only had 6 drinks in like 7 hours...I was soooo not drunk! I think it banged against something..or it was from the stuff that spilt on it and it just got stuck, I dunno, but it wasnt cuz I WAS DRUNK! oh well this new one is better :) HD and everything!!! So cool! The staurday was nice as well as we went out and a bout, to see his mommy, do groceries, and get me my camera! We had a drink at Mongolias with his brother to thank him for driving us around, and we took snoopy on a nice loooooong walk :) Sunday I went to visit my mommy for mothers day with my sister and hung with my sis for a bit too. Overall it was just a really good weekend!

Of course there was drama in it, but if you focus on the bad then you forget about the good, and the goood out weighs the abad BIG TIME so who cares a bout all the shit that went down, I'm just happy with everything else!

Today is my parents 27th anniversary, it's hard to believe theyve been together so long, but I knowthat thanks to them it is possible to stay together through thick and thin. I have high hopes for Jeff and I, if only because of the wonderful role models I have as parents.

Anyways, I think thats everything to say for now...
Till later,
Nessie <3

9 words men should know

I have seen these 9 "woman's statements" before, and I actually find them quite true. I'm going to add some stuff to them though...

(1). FINE This is a word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to SHUT UP!
I want to add here that sometimes we say "I'm Fine" when asked "are you okay" and almost always we are never "fine", we mean "leave me the fuck alone you've made me angry!"

(2). FIVE MINUTES If she is getting dressed this means half an hour. 5 minutes is only ever 5 minutes if you have just been given 5 minutes more to watch the game before helping around the house.
This isn't true for all woman, I don't take that long to get ready, so this one more goes towards the woman, rathen than woman in general.

(3). NOTHING This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes and be worried. Arguments that begin with nothing usually ends in fine. (go back to No.#1 for fine)
This is basically true I'd day...although sometimes nothing really is wrong it all goes towards HOW we say it...if it's casual and we don't seem like anything wrong, don't prode, or you WILL have a problem.

(4). GO AHEAD This is a dare, not permission. DON'T DO IT!!!!!!!!
Very true, I would say... go ahead is how we say "do you want to see what happens if you do it?"...just don't unless you want to start a fight.

(5). LOUD SIGH This isn't actually a word, but a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks that you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with u about nothing.(refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing).
Eye rolling typically goes along with this...never ask why we are rolling our eyes, cuz typically it means we think you are stupid and wonder why we waste our time...and asking why we are rolling out eyes or sighing just pisses us off!

(6). THAT'S OKAY This is one of the most dangerous statements, a woman can make to a man. THATS OKAY means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistakes.
Ever wonder what a good response is? When we say "Alright" or "Yup"...any other response to a question typically means NO!

(7). THANKS A woman is thanking you, do not question or faint. Just say you're welcome. Unless it's said 'THANKS ALOT' - that is Pure Sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT SAY 'YOUR WELCOME'... That will bring on a WHATEVER.
And never ask "thanks for what" it pisses us off!

(8). WHATEVER Is a woman's way of saying, FUCK YOU!
I have nothing to add...that's just plain true...

(9). DONT WORRY ABOUT IT Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "Whats wrong?'' For the woman's response refer back to # 3.
True, if you don't want us cranky, just DO IT!

Alright hope you liked it
And any men out there..BEWARE!
Nessie <3

gslkdj!! UGH!

Alrighty so I got the mark back for that inclusions assignment I went crazy over with my group...and guess what....all the work that I did had exceptional marks! The work I relied on my group to do was poorly done!

I am so pissed off about this because I TOLD my group that the research needed to be added and it WASNT!

What did I do in this assignment? The ELECT and Miestone section of the chart (which recieved full marks), the Part D (23.75/25) and part E (46/50, which the teacher said was the best mark on that part shes seen so far in my class) and the presentation (12.9/15). So, as you can see, anything I put my effort into got very good marks. My group, however, caused the paper work assignmnet to be 17/25 total, which is only a 70% mark! I am so pissed off at this because had they added the research to the chart like I had CLEARLY stated in the email I sent along with the ELECT and Milestone info on the chart, we would have gotten fill marks!

As well as my group obviously didn't read the actual information on WHAT we were supposed to add....

Had I did the whole thing on my own we prob would have gotten like 85 on everything...but no they were fucking idiots and didn't listen to me! So we ended up with a 70% on the paper work.

Our teacher even said we had done a very good job and had the research been added, we would have done VERY well on it. hgkjhad;klgjad;! thats all I gotta say!

Ugh I am not happy with this mark!

A pissed,
Nessie

more writing :)

So I've been writing more little blurbs :) here they are!

You don't even notice how I feel
and baby you don't care if its real

The story starts with you and me
sitting under a shaddy tree
I was sitting there reading my book
When I saw you give me that look

I never thought itd be you
but you made me fall, that is true
you werent supposed to make me feel this was
now I hope it never goes away

Falling rain shows your pain with eyes about to explode

I just can't get enough of your lips on mine
and after all thsi time you still dont mind

I'm one tear away from a big mistake
if I do my herat will break
I cant do that to him I cant do that to me
why cant it be like it used to be

Dont let him change you
look him in the eyes and say

take me as i am or set me free
i wont be anyone else but me

Take a deep breath
let it out slowly
you dont to feel lonely

Look inside and find me there
You know baby I care

Put me in a white gown
marry me today
meet at the preecher
I wont run away

A ring on my left hand
making me your wife
I promise to be there
the rest of my life

you in your black suit
baby I love you
staring deep in my eyes
as I say I do

Take me away
Carry me with the wind
Times going slowly
But I need it to go so fast
I dont wanna be me
I wanna be someone else
Look out, be something new
I dont want this, im through

I wanna run free
like the hores you see
galloping without a care
Running around, wild out there
No reins to tie them down

I wanna soar high
like a bird in the sky
flying far away
wings spread, gone all day
no need to land on the ground

To be s0omething else
just for a day
would make eveyrthing go away
The stress and the tears
I dont wanna hear
anything youve got to say

My hands are shaking in a rage
I should be locked in a cage
I am loose, wild and free
You should be running away from me

:)
Nessie <3

YAYYYYYY!

YAY!!!

My inclusions presentation is DONE! And we did very well (I think anyways lol, I won't know until next week). It was so nerve wracking though, trying to get all the shit done, however in the end it was and the rubric was followed to the best of my ability, and I think we included all the necessary info.

I ended up doing a lot of work though, and if it wasn't for me out group would not have been so organized (according to the other 2 members anyways).

Anyways, I'm just happy that 45% project is over with and the only thing to focus on in that class now is a test on the last day.

Now for stress for the debate tomorrow....philosophy presentation next week....and getting the final papers done! lol

FINALLY!

So I was finally emailed the info for the inclusions assignment and did my part of the chart...took me 3 hours just to do that! I still have to the planning chart for it but I need my textbook for that so that will have to wait until tomorrow...also I apparently have to do the powerpoint which means I have to rely on them to send me ALLLLLLLLL the information for this project to get the presenation finished for Thursday.... its gonna be a long next few days :(

As well as I have to work on the debate....which is friday....ugh I hate group projects!

so fucking pissed!

Ok I am so fucking pissed off right now! I've got this huge project dur on Thursday and as far as I know NOTHINGS DONE! Except for the observations....which I don't have because I didn't do it, someone else in my group did. Here's a little warning to everyone out there..... DO NOT WORK ON PROJECTS WITH PEOPLE YOU DONT KNOW! I joined this group because we had an interest in the same topic, and I didnt have anyone to work with. It was the first day of the semester and I only knew one person in my section....but she already had a group to work with. So I joined two girls who shared an interest in the same topic.

Well guess what happens...

The observation was done over the study break....BACK IN FEBRUARY! there has been PLENTY of time to send off the information and get started on this project...but no...wasnt done! I've been emailing the one with the observation for the past 2 WEEKS and she has YET to send it to me. It is now Sunday, our project and presenation is THURSDAY we need to email the planning charts on WEDNESAY at 10am (24 hours before the class)....but how the fuck are we supposed to do that if the project is not done. How are we even going to finsih this fucking thing in 4 days? I've spoken to friends in my class and other sections, this is NOT an over night project. This is something that will take DAYS to comeplete....

Fuck I am so worried, and pissed off, and angry right now! I don't know what else I can do. Emailing Lana wont help, she'll prob say I shoulda chose my group better....besides shes not even going to be there on Thursday were going to have a dif teacher come in (the other sections teacher...who isnt that good a teacher)....fuck im so worried, stressed, scared...and pissed off righ about now!

I FUCKING HATE GROUP PROJECTS!

The stress is kicking in!

The stress is kicking in, that's for sure! I haven't had a good nights sleep in like 4 or 5 days now! It's all because of stress from school. They weren't kidding when they say 4th Semester is tough, it such as fuck is!

Let's have a summary of what I have to do still....

1 journal worth 40% (which I can't start too much because we have yet to cover the material in class), a display that we stand in front of for an hour in the B wing (20% I believe).

1 test (30 % I believe), an indoor/outdoor safety check list (which I have completed the checklist part and have to add in the "action required" part) worth 10%, a potluck (which we are doing friday) worth 5%, a self evaluation wirth 5%.

A debate (which my topic is messed up for) 15%, an annotated bibliography to go along with the dbeate (20%), a final paper (40%) which I have yet to start because I don't really understand and she has yet to explain properly...

An essay (40%) which I have started a little bit on but don't really understand, a presenation, and a professionalism evaluation (5%)

A journal (45%) which is ongoing throughout the semester, and an inclass activity (10%)

a BIG presenation which I have yet to do anything for cuz my stupid group memebr hasnt emailed me the observation!!! and a test

And of course to finish placement, which I have 4 curriculums to do still....

It's getting really overhwelming to look at all of these things and try to fit them all in...but you gotta do them one but at a time...

Like focus on whats due this week (potluck and an inclass acitvity), and get those done (obviously an in class activity I cant do before hand, so the potluck) then look at whats due next week (Presenation-the one my group member HASNT emailed me the thing for!!!) and my debate...and focus on those. It's hard, I know, but I have to do it.

I wanna get started on these other things, but first priority comes first. I have to do whats due first or I'll fall behind on those. That being said...I really need to find my 3 articles for my debate. I found 1 for sure, I need to ask about the 2nd...but the 3rd has me puzzled :( oh well, gotta do it! I just need to find them for the debate, the annotated bibliography has the oppertunity to be due the week after so I'm gonna take that chance!

*sigh* but its still stressful!

A stressed,
Nessie <3

updates!

Here's a poem I wrote the other day:

It was nice to see you the other day
It's good to know your doing Ok
We gtalked not of you or of me
But for a moment it was like it used to be

We smiled like it was before
Sometimes I wish we'd do it more
I think of you often, just thought you should know
I thought I had finally let you go

Changed happen throught life time
sometimes it's good, sometimes I'm fine
I may not have cried abiut it at all
Maybe I knew someday youd call

Maybe we can have a fresh start
Maybe this time we will not part
Things in the past put behind us
Never again to be a fuss

So talk to me and hear me out
I don't want to see you pout
Smile we may again be friends
Maybe this time not to end

Here's something else I wrote....

I know you've dated more beautiful girls than me
But I promise you I'll be the best I can be
I'll shower you with all the love in the world
Or at least all the love you an hold

And this...

Were you ever really there?
Did you ever really care?
Was I just a dare?
Was I just to spare?

We were a great pair
And now you only glare
your hearts in a tear
Too much too bear

Feels like I need air
All I do is stare
It's just not fair
Oh where are you, where?

And a quote I came up with...

"Life gives us many changes; it's up to us to decide what to face and embrase, and what to throw away"

And last, but not least, this (which I wrote today)...

My hands are shaking in rage
I should be locked in a cage
I am loose, wild and free
You should be running away from me

Just thought I'd update you :) Oh, and I've gotten another song ALMOST complete :)

Nessie <3

Drunk fucks!

Fuck this place is going to drive me sooooo fucking crazy tonight! I can not fucking stand drunks! Already, and it's only 7:30pm, 3 times I've been annoyed by drunks...and I was just doing laundry! First was some fucking annoying girls in the elvator....2nd was the noise of people in the lobby going down to the laundry room...and the 3rd time was coming back up with my clothes and these 3 fucking guys talking to me VERY annoyingly asking me, pretty much, to go have a few drinks with them...they asked what year I was in and asked how I liked rez for 2 years so I HAD to mention I spent most of the time at my boyfriends JUST o I could get them to LEAVE ME ALONE!

Fuck this night is going to be annoying! I wish I could go to Jeffs but hes going out tonight....fuck!

I hate drunks, I really do! Why do these people think alcohol i the answer to everything! FUCK I hate drunks! I hate drinking, I hate alcohol! I hate people who think they need it in their lives!

fuck fuck fuck!
I hate this night!

Holiday are not what they are!

So heres my newest rant....how people seem to take holidays and chnage them for their own convience! Nothing is celebrated for the proper reasons anymore! What bring sthis to my attention? Well today is St. Patrick's day, and I'm pretty sure the history behind this day is NOT about getting drunk!

Looking up a bit of information on it, it seems as if St. Patrick's day is supposed to be a religious holiday. It is celebrated by attending church, fasting, and, yes drinking...but NOT GETTING DRUNK! I can not even find WHY people INSIST on getting drunk during this day. It takes away the whole reason of celebrating. Why get drunk, I still dont see the purpose in it. Its stupid really, drinking, getting drunk.... why do something that your not even going to remember later....

And its not just St. Patrick's day that demeans the holiday spirit...Christmas is forgotten about its true reasons, people have changed it to presents and not about the true reason, the birth of Chirst. Easter is about Candy and not about his reserection (spelt wrong lol but w.e).... Valentines day is about cards and not about St. Valentine... every holiday can be taken a look at and seen where it is beyond what its supposed to be. People don't care about the reason anymore, its juts been so thrust upon them through their lives as children as what the made up reason is that they forget the real reasons.

I'm ashamed...although I will admit I dont celebrate for real reasons, but I'm not religious...instead I choose not to really celbrate (with the exception of Christmas, however that I see more as a family thing than a present thing). I dont care about Valentines day, I can go without the romance, cards,candy ect. I dont care about St. Patricks day I'm not even going to drink...I just don't care.

Of course in todays society it's just another reaosn to drink. Well drink up you fucking idiots! Your just ruining your lives that way anyways.

Till Later,
Nessie

sick :(

I am sick! It sucks! It started on Sunday, when I woke up with a sore throat and sore shoulders and neck. I thought the sore throat was from dryness in the air, and that my shoulders and neck were sore from sleeping badly. However, the ore throat didnt go away and the pain from my shoulders and neck extended down to my back. At this point, I knew I was getting sick.

Later that night I was beginning to feel weak and tired, so I stopped doing the dishes and went to lay on the couch to watch a movie. I began to feel cold as well, and a headache started to bloom. When Jeff got home he touched my forehead and said I was very hot...we layed in bed and he could feel the heat emitting of my body, while he wasnt even under the blanket and I was. I had troubles sleeping and everything...it sucked!

Monday brought along my sore throat and a bit of aches and pain but it wasn;t so bad...until later that night. My throat was hurting so badly I wanted to cry. I had given Jeff money to buy me medicine so I was sooo happy when he got home...however, my fever had returned and I was warm again. Again I had trouble sleeping.

Today, I awoke early because I couldn;t get comfortable and my throat was still sore. I took some of the pills Jeff got me and had a tea, it helped a bit. I showered, and it helped a bit too...however, I was hungry but my throat was too sore to really eat anything that crunchy or hard, and I couldnt think of anything else that we had that I could eat. So I started to feel sick... like really sick. I left with Jeff when he went to work so I could get come soup from timmies and buy jeffie a coffee. While standing in the timmies line I almost puked..and again while I was walking to a table to eat at...but while I ate I was starting to feel a bit better, however still sick.

Here I am, 2 and a half hours, still feeling sick but slowly eating some small things....a yogurt, a nectarine....but its not really helping :( I just wanna feel better! I think I'm a little warm still too... but its hard to tell by yourself if you have a fever....*sigh*

A sick,
Nessie <3

Writing like CRAZY

SOOOOO!

I've been song writing like crazy! lol. I wrote yet another song that I just LOVE so much yesterday! I call it "shedding tears", however, dont be mistaken by the title, its actually very beautiful, loving, and romatic of a song and I wrote it in honor of the love of my life...because it is EXACTLY something he would say to me...and does actually lol. I'll share a bit of it:

Please don't look at me
With tears rolling down my face
I'm ashamed of how I look
With my eyes so blotchy red

I'm not so perfect
In case you haven't noticed
So why can't you see me
For what I really am?

And he said

Baby in my eyes your perfect
I don't want you any other way
I wish you'd see you
The way I do

Your beautiful, your wonderful
The best thing in my life
Don't be embarrassed for shedding tears
With me here tonight

Obviously there is still work that needs to be done with it, but thats the first part of it! Ohhh I love having a creative wordy mind :) <3

Nessie <3

Sign

I finished a song today, it's called "Signs". I really love it! Here it is, copyright...ME!

Thunder crashes, rain falls,
it's the calm before the storm,
tears are falling down my face,
i can't take this anymore.

The earth shakes, the air cracks,
my heart is breaking at the thought,
of not having you in my life,
and the happiness you've brought.

My feelins are so mixed
I don't know wat to do
please God send me a sign
Help me think it through

Things can be difficult
I don't know whats right
send me the help I need
I don't want to fight

My hand in yours our hearts are one,
baby don't ever leave, I love you,
please forgive me,
dont ever leave me be

My feelins are so mixed
I don't know wat to do
please God send me a sign
Help me think it through

Things can be difficult
I don't know whats right
send me the help I need
I don't want to fight

Feels like my hearts on fire,
like a big hot flame
or maybe wrapped in barb wire,
i cant forget your name

My feelins are so mixed
I don't know wat to do
please God send me a sign
Help me think it through

Things can be difficult
I don't know whats right
send me the help I need
I don't want to fight

the lights flicker on and off,
i take it as a sign
this will last for eternity,
ill never leave you behind

I know now how I feel
my heart screams your name
I just want to hold you
I'm so glad you came

Thank you God for everything
I know everything is good
I love this man with all my heart
and all that I could,

and would
and should
Oh, I love him

Girls are like apples!

I found this cute quote about how girls are like apples on top of a tree:

Girls are like apples on trees.
The best ones are at the top of the tree.
The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten ones from the ground, that aren't as good, but are easy.
So the apples at the top think there's something wrong with them.
But really, they are amazing.
They just have to wait for the right boy to come along.
The one who is brave enough to climb all the way.
To the top of the tree.

And it inspired me to write this poem:


We are like apples on top of a tree
the best ones are on top
You're to afraid to reach for us
incase you get caught

You dont wanna risk the fall
the pain it may bring
You choose to pick the rotten ones
and have a little fling

you poor guys, your jerks
we think your so wrong
you don't deserve us

but we know the truth
you are so sweet
we've known it all alone

we wait for one of you to come
the breavest of them all
it takes time, we will wait long
for the one who won't fall

oh climb to the top of the tree
it will make you feel free
find the one whos meant to be
oh come to me

Personally I think its cute! and actually pretty true too! :D Males me think of my baby (OBVIOUSLY!! :D) because he DID take a risk with me :) or...well..i took a risk with him BUT either way....I am an apple and he climbed up to find me!

New songs discovered!

SOOOO!

I was going through my inbox for my hotmail, like my keepers folder, and I cam across a bunch of recordings I made about 3 or 4 years ago. Low and behold I had some song verses, and ful songs, in there. I wrote down each one and thought I would share. Some of them I totally forgot about. I actually really like em :)

Sometimes I know its hard
To be the one you see in the mirror
But if you don't life could be hell
I don't think you want it to go that way

Just be yourself dont change who you are
If you don't like you, no one will
Just be yourself its worked good so far
I know its a long step up that hill

My name is Draco malfoy, my dad is rela rich
he bought the qudditch team, look at me as that seeker
My name is professor snape I'm the potions master
i dont like that potter boy or his dead father
obviously a joke song :)

Everyday I come home and sit on my bed
I cry the tears Ive held in all day
doesn't anybody realize, the pain im feeling on the inside
doesnt anybody know, that we are all the same

the teasings gotta stop, doesnt anybody realize
there is no gain, to the way your making me feel
This has gotta stop, does it mkae you feel better
maybe a little more suprior, picking on a little girl

this is not cool, leave me alone is all I ask

I know what its like to have no one
staying at home all alone

it's so hard to decide what to do
should I stay or should i go, I dont know
so much lies on what I choose
but I dont know what to do

I'm afraid if I stay, I'll be left out
cuz everytime that I do, I always am
but Im afraid if I go, I'll be bored
I'll have a bad time,
Yes I will

There are so many things to say
So many promises made to go
if they are broken ill go home
yes I will

I'm here alone because of what you did to me
your not the friends i thought i knew
your not the ones I grew to love
and know because of you i here alone with these tears
going down my face

All of these were written in 2007/2008 so they are pretty old, but I do like them and hope to make them into something more :)

Till later,
Nessie <3

Tattoo Pics!

Tattoo...

I want a tattoo....oh wait...I got one :D Thats right, ths girl has lost her verginity...tattoo wise lol. Last night Jeff took me to get my first tattoo for our 1 year. How sweet is he? I like that he bought it for me, its forever a reminder of what a great year we had together. I'll be posting pictures as soon as it's healed, otherwise it won't look right cuz the one spot bled. A lot. lol. apparently my skin didn't like the colour green...but Mike (who tattooed me) assured me that when it heals, the green will be nice and bright :)

It didn't even hurt as much as I thought it would. Some parts did, like the shoulder blade (i got t on my left shoulder fyi lol) but besides that it wasnt very painful. I did hold Jeffs hand throughout it, just in case I needed to squeeze it. As soon as I sat down, Mike said "Let me direct you to the sign" and on the wall beside the chair was a sign that said "no whinning" lol. Hes a pretty funny guy. And hes a good artist too. Jeff and I were looking through some of his albums of tats he had done, and some are really really good.

But yeah, I got my first tattoo. Pictures to be posted soon :)

Till later,
Nessie <3

Good day :)

I actually quite enjoyed today :) It seemed like today wasn't going to be such a good day because we had 3 assignments due (2 for one class as well!). However, it actually wasn't so bad, and we even ot out an hour early from class..for both classes! It was actually a pretty good day!

I think the highlight of day, however, would have to be in Inclusons II. We had finished the roleplay, and were waiting for two of our friends to finish as well so we could leave. Kiana, a friend of mine, was talking about how she had finally got all her assignments done and caught up to date.

Kiana: "I finished all my assignments last night!"

Me: "Good job Kiana! Oh wait, we're not supposed to say that...I see you worked very hard last night,"

It made all my friends laugh! Because, you see, in ECE we ARE NOT supposed to tell the children "Good job" for many reasons. Some of them inslude: Manipulation, taking away their success, and to reinforce good behaviour. You see by saying good job, we are basically telling them they did it right. Like if they did it a different way, it would have been considered wrong. So, I just had to say it to Kiana lol.

But overall, today was a good day. One more day then I have no classes for 3 weeks...one week off (yes can't wait!) for study break, then my 2 week block placement. Cant wait to go see the adroable little kindygarten faces again :D

Till later,
Nessie <3

Resolved :)

SOOOO today we finally got this situation resolved that has been happening in class. I can not share any details as it is confidential, but we have come to an agreement and hopefully things will be better in classes now!

In new news, heres something I wrote on my walk home:

You may think I'm crazy,
or maybe a little insane
but honey when will you learn,
that your the one to blame

Hope you like it!
Nessie <3

lied lol

Ok so I lied, I wrote a song tonight, and I actually like it quite a bit :) I don't know exactly what I should call it... maybe "Hold me" or something like that....

Anywho, I really like, and I wrote it all tonight...of course like I said before I dont play any instruments so my songs are ALWAYS acopella....but oh wellz.

I won't share the song yet, I will, but not yet :P

Poet!

Sooooooo....

As much as I wish I could write songs, I've come to the decision that I am more of a poet than a song writer. That doesn't mean I'm gonna stop randomly singing verses of songs that I make up, cuz I mean, i love to do that. Something comes to me, I sing it...but I don't play an instrument (as much as I've always wnated to learn to play the guitar...I dont really have the motivation and desire to) so I'll stick to poems. If you think of it, every song is a poem. They rhyme and have a story behind it, and isn't that what a poem is?

I'm happy with being a poet :) I plan on putting all my poems together one day and making a book out of it...that would be cool! It would still cover one of my dreams, which is to publish a novel. If I never finish one, or if never gets published, I can always try my poetry.

Who knows what the world will bring me :) Inspiration is EVREYWHERE. I am constantly having thoughts pop into my head for poems now...just last night I was watchng Jeff sleep and one came to me. Life is full of inspiration, and one day, my inspiration will be a reality...if that even makes sense :P

Till later,
Nessie <3

PS, that doesnt mean I'l stop posting them here, so keep an eye out ;)

Do you remember when...

Do you remember when we were younger? About 4 or 5 years old and everything was simple? You laughed, you cried, you played and had fun. There was nothing to stress about except which toy to play with, and who to play with it with. You got to colour and make crafts, you had a nap time in the middle of the day, and life just seemed to easy. But all you wanted to do was be a big kid.

Lets flash fowards a bit. Do you remember when you were in grade school? When homework started to build slightly. Kids were pickier on who they were friends with. They critizied you for who you hung out with and how you looked. Again you wanted to grow older, to get bigger, be like your mom or dad.

Let's go a but farther. Do you remember grade 6,7, and 8. When you felt overwhelemed with school work and your friends seemed to matter more. How you dressed, how your hair looked, and even the makeup you wore seemed to be of most importance. When what you did started to really matter. When people started to talk about "your future" more and more.

Let's go even farther, to high school, it was a place you either loved or hated. Personally, i hated high school, it was my worst experience. The only year I enjoyed was grade 11, every other year sucked. This is the time you wanted to be a kid again, and go back to the days you thought were "simple", but at the same time all you wanted to do was grow up and move out, get away from everyone who made your life a living hell. Get away from life. You took on more responsibilities, a job, school work, maybe even relationships. Life became even more stressful.

Now, for me, I'm in my last semester of college and I think back on all of this. I wonder why I ever thought life would be better as an adult. I want to be a kid again, when life was easy, simple, and everything felt right. When what people thought didnt matter, when there wasnt so much work on my plate. When the fact that I'm graduating and going to be out in the real world never even crossed my mind. I didnt worry so much, I didnt care so much.

Sometimes, I really want to go back to that. I think of Taylor Swifts so "never Grow Up" and think yeah, I want to be a kid, I want to be like that.... but at the same time, I want to grow up because I want to get married and have kids. I want to live my life.

So the question remains, is being a kid really better then being an adult. There are so many things about kids we still dont know...like kids are under a lot of stress, you imagine a child who wants to wear a certain top but their mother wont let them...that WILL cause them stress. It seems so mediocre, so simple and such a small thing to stress about...but its true.

Would you rather stress about something like that or something that matters in life...like your kids and your family, your loved ones.

Think about that the next time you wanna be a kid again.

I Love you because poem

So Jeff read the poem and he LOVED it! Hes the one who said I should post it so here it is...

I Love You Because…

I love you because you make me feel special

You can make my heart race

Faster and faster I can’t stop it

And it’s crazy pace

I love you because you make me feel loved

You wrap your arms around me

You hold me tight and kiss my head

The future I can see

I love you because you are so sweet

You are romantic and loving

You can do the smallest thing

My heart, I feel it tugging

I love you because you’re like no one else

You are one of a kind

How could I ever have doubted you?

Man I was blind

I love you because you never gave up

Baby you kept trying

I gotta say you made me fall

Without even lying

I love you because your there for me

Whenever I need a hand

I know I can always count on you

To help me off the land

I love you because you always accept me

And everything I am

I know sometimes I'm crazy

But you don’t give a damn

I love you because you respected me

You waited till it was right

You never imagined pressuring me

And we had a wonderful night

I love you because you can make me crazy

Sometimes you stress me out

But we always work our way through it

Without any doubt

I love you for the little things

No holes you need to dig

Just keep doing what you do

I don’t need anything big

I love you because you are unique

Like no one I've ever met

You’re loyal to those you care and love

Like me, your family, your pet

I love you because I can trust you

I know you’d never lie

You would never want to hurt me

You’ll never say goodbye

I love you because you love me

You’ve let me into your heart

You never thought you ever would

Feel again this art

I love you because you’ve made me see

Who I am inside

You’ve made me see so many things

I now show it on the outside

I love you because of everything

I can’t put into words

You mean so very much to me

You are my whole world

I love you because my heart wants to

I wouldn’t want it any other way

I'm here for you, forever and always

You’ve just gotta say

I love you because no ones made me feel this way

Nobody, none

I hope you know how I feel

I love you, plus 1

I Love You Because...

So I've written the most amazing and loving poem EVER! I was trying to sleep when these words came to my mind, ryhming words, words that caused a poem to start and I had to write it down! After that tey just kept coming and suddenly I had this poem that is almost 2 pages long! The poem is called "I love you because..." and is all about why I love my boyfriend. I will not be posting this poem until I read it to him and only if he allows me to. This is written FOR HIM. I love it, and I know he will too! I cant wait to read it to him!

Till Later,
Nessie <3

BUT heres a SMALL piece of it:

I love you for the little things

No holes you need to dig

Just keep doing what you do

I don’t need anything big

Bad night

Last night was a bad night. I snapped last night and freaked out, and I mean totally freaked out and yelled and screamed when there was no need to. I was out of line. I was also very upset and got to thinking how I have no one to talk to, that I am quite alone. I got to thinking, and of course started writing.

I'm all alone in this world
theres no one to hold
and no one to talk to
except my baby you

Thoughts are going through my head
as I lay here in this bed
slowly going crazy here
and sadly theres nobody near

This was the first one I wrote.... the next one is of similar context

Laying in this bed here
remembering when you were near
We'd talk about everything we did
Never did I imagine our friendship bent

The night would fall, we'd turn the lights out
your prents down the hall with all their doubt
They never thought I was good for you
but your sisters did, and your brothers too

I miss those times we used to have
all the times we'd share a laugh
How could I ever have known
that I'd be all this way all alone

You were in my life for 5 years gone
I sit here and wonder as I sing our song
When will I see you, how long will it be
and when you look, will you miss me?

This one I wrote as I thought about how alone I really am. Sure I have my mom and my sister, and yeah I do have friends...but I dont have anyone I can really talk to about my problems because...I dont want my mom to know about some of the problems I go through, and I dont wanna hear my sisters advise again... and I mean I have my love, but I cant vent to him about him can I?

But this is where my life is right now. Ive been here before, its just been so long since I had been this alone...5 years in fact...that I forgot how lonely it could be. I'll get used to it though, I did before, and I will again. To me, this is how my life is...friends come and go in life. Nothing lasts for ever. And if someday I find friends who will be there for me when i need them, friends I can vent to and talk about shit with...then thatll happen. For now, I'll vent and rant and write about it the only way I know how...in stories, in song/poems..and in blogs.

Till later,
Nessie <3

EDIT!!

Thunder crashes, rain falls
it's the calm before the storm
tears are falling down my face
i can't take this anymore

The earth shakes, the air cracks
my heart is breaking at the thought
of not having you in my life
and the happiness you've brought

My hand in yours our hearts are one
baby don't ever leave
I love you, forgive me
please dont leave me be

I was looking through the old posts and came across this one... I onyl chnaged the last line. It used to say for just being myself and I changed it to please dont leave me be. Doesn't it just work sooo much better?! :D

*EDIT*

here is another verse:

Feels like my hearts on fire
like a big hot flame
or maybe wrapped in barb wire
how could I ever forget your name

Heartaches

Tears fall down my face as I think of you
im feeling depressed and blue
me heart aches for your embrace
and to wipe these tears from my face

A new one I wrote on friday....ver very very bad day and night, but in the end...everything was alright <3

1 year

I can not believe it has been a year. The time has flown so fast, it honestly doesn't seem like it. I have been so extreamly happy with my man that I wouldn't change anything that has happened this past year. Nothing. Everything thats happened has happened for a reason...fights, make ups, breakups (not that Jeff and I have ever broken up, thats not what I meant AT ALL). Just that every pain stakingly cry-the-eyes-out moment I've ha,d and every love making make up session weve had has all been to bring us to where we are today.

Jeff asked me to put this as his faceboo status, and i couldn't have said it better myself

"happy 1 year baby i love you your such a perfect girlfriend i cant wait for years to come every minute with u is better than the last"

it captures everything about us perfectly. I love him soooo fucking much. I also cant wait for the years to come.

I bought him an 8 picture slide pictureframe and filled it with pictures of our year together. The flowers he bought me the day we started dating, our 1 month, wonderland, the wedding, skating, christmas, and new years. Everything we've done, ever love filled moment weve had. Everything about us. He loved it. He said he has never had "couple pictures" that hes desplayed before...thats because he has never had someone as special as me. He loves me. I am the best girlfriend he has ever had. He says it all the time. And I believe him.

I cant wait for him to get home, sadly he had t work 5-12 today...but we had last night together...and we have tonight and tomorrow night cuz I dont have placement for 3 weeks...it wll be nice. He says hes gonna make up the fact that hes broke and cant get me anything...he says when he gets his income tax, hell make it up to me. I told him it doesnt matter, that its not about gifts and stuff, but hes determined. he feels bad.

Dear god, I seriosuly love him
till later,
Nessie <3

good bye

whatever happened to best friends forever
i couldnt see me leaving, and i mean never
but some things happen, thats how it is
so I'll say good bye with this final kiss

for years we stood hand in hand
you picked me up off the land
when i was down your brought me up
you should have won the best friend cup

its so hard to find a friend like you
but now I know, it was never true
we are so different, not the same
where can we lay the final blame?

I'll leave you with these final words
so you can soar like a free bird
know i'll always remember you here
in my heart, I'll miss you, my dear

i will always remember you

Free

So I wrote a new part of a song today. I know, I write a lot of parts but never a full song. It's because the parts come to mind and thats all that matters. Anywho, this one I labelled free. I know the lyrics may say something that you may interpurt wrong, but let me assure you, theres more than what meets the eye to this song.

Why do these tears fall down my face
Feelng as if my lifes in a brace
all I want is to feel your embrase
around me

I love you, my heart screams your name
but I cant help but feel the blame
for everything thats happened and soon to be
Sometimes I want to feel free

So I'm feeling very upset right now, for reasons I'm not going to explain because its no ones buisness, but Ive been emotionally messed up these past days. Yesterday I was feeling lonely and sad and pretty much depressed or something, and all I wanted was Jeffs arms around me. All I wanted to feel was his love for me. I needed it. I've also been touchy too, like he can say something as a joke but I take it seriosuly...I dont know whats wrong with me. Maybe I'm sex deprived. That could be it... I mean I've been, as Jeff calls it, "Broken" for the past week, and last week was a little off for us too...maybe all I need is to get layed. I need to feel emotionally loved, as well as physical...I need to feel SOMETHING! I mean I feel loved, of course I do, but...I dunno I just need to really FEEL it!

I said to Jeff the other day that I've been feeling unattrcatove lately because sometimes he's in a mood where he doesnt wanna be touched, or I'll accidentally tickle him when I touch him so he'll pull away cuz he HATES to be tickled, and as much as it was an accident it still bothers him, and I mean I can understand that, but it felt as if it was happening a lot more the past week or 2 and no matter what I did to try to turn him on, he just wasn't...and it was making me feel bad. When I told him how I was feeling, how I felt like he didnt want me, he said "I always want you nessie" which, to be honest, didnt make me feel to much better.

I dunno, it just seems like his sexual drive is down, while mine is WAY up...sounds weird but true, and I am not sexually experienced so in all honesty I feel uncomfortable starting things unless he leads me too...so I dunno...

This post got way off topic though lol, not that i mind if anyone feels uncomfortable dont read it! But really, I'm feeling down lately and all I want is my baby with me. But hes not...seeing as I have a 9am class tomorrow and have to get up at 8 (7 if i was staying at his place), and some good news has come about in his family so hes out celebrating. He doesnt work tomorrow so its not too big a deal, I guess, but well....thats a hole nother story Im not getting into.

I guess Ill stick to my music for now.
Nessie <3

The Immaturity of College students

Ok, this post is on behalf of a girl in my class who has been the recent victim of bullying. I am a 4th semester (2nd year) college student, our course is Early Childhood Education, but there are people in my class who think it's funny to pick on people with disabilities. To talk about them behind their back. To draw crude pictures about them, quoting what they asked in class, and posting that picture on facebook for the WORLD to see. These people are 20 years old, and are supposed to be working with kids.

I'm going to talk about what I witnessed of this myself for this poor girl. I was in the Timmie's line at lunch buying some food. This group of students in my class were about 2 people in front of me. That didn't mean I couldn't hear EXACTLY what they were saying. They started talking rudely about this girl in our class. This girl has a hearing problem and has to ask the teacher to repeat things, or ask for clarification to make sure she had heard right. Well, this group of students are talking shit about it, saying she should stop asking for the teacher to repeat things, and how "if she has problems hearing she should sit closer to the front". These people are supposed to be 20 years old.

It pissed me off so much, but of course I am not brave enough to stand up and tell them to shut the fuck up, and besides it wouldnt have made a difference. ANd besides the fact that they talk shit about others, they ALSO talk constantly in class and laugh or giggle about what other students say or ask. They make it very hard to concentrate in class, and I know for a fact a lot of people are fed up with it. So today a gorup of us sent the teachers an eamil. When I heard they were writing the email, I offered what I heard to be added into the email and consented my name to be placed on it with the others in order for teachers to contact me if need be.

Well, later on in class, another piece of evidence was found, furthering the immaturity of these students. One of them had drawn a picture of 2 of our classmates and quoted, work for word, what they had said in class, in a VERY rude way. When I saw the picture I wanted to get up and slap these people. The picture was included in the email to the teachers.

I can't even begin to explain how DISGUSTED I am with the way these students are acting. One, they are 20 years old, they are not teenagers anymore and are supposed to be MATURE ADULTS! Two, these people want to work with KIDS, but what are they going to do if a child in their centre has a disability? Laugh and make fun of them? These people do not deserve to be in child care if this is the way they act towards other ADULTS. It disgusts me, it sickens me.

Beside's the email we sent to the teachers, there is not much we can do to get this problem solved. You can't force someone to stop talking, but this is HARASSMENT. It is wrong. It is bullying. Bullying in COLLEGE! It's ridiculous.

I can't think of anything else to state at the moment about this, but it pisses me off. I hope the teachers decide to do SOMETHING because it is getting out of hand.

Till later,
Nessie

He makes me wanna marry him yesterday

So yesterday I went over to my babe's house because he was sick and when my baby is sick I feel bad, and sad, and I just wanna be with him and make him feel better. So, I finished at 2 and hopped on the bus and went straight over to him! We orderd pizza when I got there because we were both hungry (he has a head cold, not anything stomachy that makes him wanna puke). Afterwards we fell asleep..for 4 hours! It was insane, I mean I knew I was tired, but I didnt realize how tired I actually was. SO anyways, I woke up at 8:30 and just lay with him, thinking about him and how much I lvoed him, thinking of everything we had been through, and everything we will go through still. Our 1 year is coming up very quickly so I've been thinking about the two of us so much lately, and how much I cant wait to move in with him (only 3 more months!!).

So anyways, he woke up and, at the time, I was sitting on the couch cuz I had checked something on my phone really quickly. He asked me what I was doing, I said checking something, and went to lay back with him. He said I didnt have to, but I mean, cmon, I WANTED to. I love cuddling him! It's prob my second fave thing to do with him (the first is personal :P lol).

So we put on something to watch and we lay there. He suddenly remebered the movie we were watching the other day and asked how it ended cuz he had fallen asleep, I told him how "Veronica mars" (as he knows her, and honestly I dunno her real name, nor do I really care lol) pretty much saved the day, or blah blah blah whatever lol, and he said "But she didnt get naked" and I said "she never will" and he goes "I know, and that sucks." Now, for some reason and I cant exactly explain why, but it made me feel jealous. I know Veronica Mars is one of his favourite female actresses, one that I know he thinks is hot and that he would love to see naked (or even her boobs lol), and it had never bothered me before. But last night it did. So I got stubborn, and upset, and got up off the matress (which we have on the living room floor cuz its soooo comfy to watch movies and cuddle, and you cant do that on a couch if u wanna lay together) and sat on the couch.

Jeff thought I was kidding around at first, so he left me to "sulk" for a minute and then called me back over to him. But he said the sweetest thing, "I want Nessie. I only want Nessie. Nessie is beautiful, and I love her, and I'm going to marry her." and I have to say, it made me smile. He says it all the time, but it still never fails to make me smile. So I got up and lay with him again, all cuddly and lovey again lol.

But as we lay there, I was looking at him and he said, "I had the saddest thought." I asked him, "what?". He said, "Even though it's not gonna happen, if we were to ever break up, you would be so heart broken and depressed, and you have like no friends to talk to. Not thats it's ever gonna happen. But what would you do?" "Sit in my room for days and cry," I answered, because its true, i WOULD be heartbroke, I would be DEVESTATED! I dont think I could live. "I'd die," he said, and I believe it as well. Jeff and I, we are so in love with each other that the mere thought of even that upset us both. So I leaned in and kissed him and whispered, "its never gonna happen."

And it's not...but if it did, and it's true I dont have many friends I could talk to about it...but its not friends I would want to talk to. There are only 2 people I could ever talk to about, 2 people in this entire world I would want to share it with, to help me through it...and that is my sister and my mother. It has always been that way, they have been the 2 woman in my life to EVER stick up for me, to EVER help me through hard time. NO ONE has ever done anything like that for me, and NO ONE has ever been there for me when I needed them, except them. My mother and my sister are all I need to survive if Jeff were to leave my life.

But, as mentioned before, it's never gonna happen. Jeff and I love each other, we're going to get married..hell...we're practically engaged already! Yes, I said it, and its true. Just because there is no ring on my finger doesnt mean Jeff and I havent already talked about our wedding, or our house. His mom has called me family, his brother already thinks of me as a sister...lets face it, I am a Karkheck. Vanessa Karkheck. I like the way it sounds :)

And thats what I mean by the title of this blog... he makes me wanna marry his yesterday, meaning it feels as if were already married, or going to get married, or whatever. I know this is gonna last. 3 months and I will be living with him...9 months and im considered his wife. Common Law marriage people, 6 months is all it takes of living together. Of course, Jeff and I dont actually think of it that way, I'm moving in so we can take our relationship further, and make it easier for me to get a job and such, that is until I get my G2 and I can drive my car around...but in reality its true.

I just wanted to share what a wonderful man I have. Some people may not think so, some may think hes an asshole, or a player, or a liar, or that I'm delusional. Those people dont know me, and dont know us. Those people would be wrong and can go to hell!

Till later,
Nessie <3

Paintballing- fun sport or next big dangerous thing?

So, on Saturday my boyfriend went paintballing with a bunch of his family for his nephews birthday. I had the oppertunity to join in or watch- I, obviously, chose to watch. During the 5 hours I watched these men play, I got to thinking…is paintball really such a good sport for young boys to play.

Think of it this way- paintball is a sport with guns where you shoot people. Ok, yes the guns are fake, they don’t shoot bullets they shoot paint, but it’s giving kids the perspection that shooting people is alright. Personally, I go back to the long lived debate about whether violent video games are alright for kids. It’s the same situation, in violent video games kids are shooting, killing, hitting, running people over, etc. In paintball, you are killing. If you get shot with a paintball, you are considered ‘dead’ or you get the oppertunity to ‘tag back’ if the option is given.

But it all comes back to the violence. Yes, paintball may be fun, from the looks of it all six of our guys that were playing had a blast. But, if a 5 year old were to see this, and then they go home and find daddys gun, and pick it up as if it were a paintball gun and try to mimic what they saw they’re brother doing… somebody could potentially get hurt.

Rascal Flatts has a song called “It’s not supposed to go like that” and the first verse is about two young boys playing cops and robbers, and one boy finds his daddys gun and plays with it, shooting his friend and killing him, all because he thought it was a game, he didn’t realize the gun was real and that it actually could hurt someone. It’s all the same thing.

The youngest in our group playing paintball was 11, and although he may be old enough to realize that a paintball gun is a paintball gun, and a real gun is a real gun… what if thee was an 8 year old there. Would he have the mental capacity to recognize such things? Maybe, but as I mentioned before, if his younger brother was watching him, his brother sure wouldn’t know any better.

I remember hearing a story about some kids who played Black Ops and decided to try it out for real. They were able to get a hold of some real guns, and hid in a tree in a covergae of a bush by the road, and shot the guns at people. Someone died that day.

This all goes back to the fact that violent games, however much fun they are, are dangerous. Parents need to be aware of what they are exposing their children to, and parents need to explain that ‘this is a real gun, this is real life’ vs ‘this is a game, this is fake’. It is up to the parents to pay attention to what their children are doing, who they talk to, and what they watch on tv.

Paintballing may be a fun sport to take up (expensive, but fun), and with the right guidence, everyone can enjoy the game without fear of something happening because one child thought their daddys gun was a toy.

Just a little food for though.

Day 20

Day 20:
A picture of somewhere you want to travel to



LONDON ENGLAND! Dream place to visit and someday I will! I am making certain of that!

Till later,
Nessie <3

Day 19:

Day 19:
A picture and a letter



A picture of me with letters on my sweater!!

Till later,
Nessie <3

Day 18

Day 18:
A picture of your biggest insecurity



My psoriasis (look at back). It appeared in Febuary of 2010 and, after many, many MANY doctor appoitnments and applying cream after cream after cream to it, it has finally disappeared and I am free!

Till later,
Nessie <3

Better Than Revenge

So, I was looking over my "Last Kiss" post and it reminded me of the fact that Taylor Swift's song "Better Than Revenge" is a song that, accoridng to Jeff, when I sing it, it reflects something personal. The other day I was listening to music and the song came on while I was Jeff and he said that the way i sang it, with such emotion and vibe, that it seems like a personal song to me. I guess in a way it is, but at the same time i just really LOVE the song!

Now go stand in the corner and think about what you did

Ha, Time for a little revenge

Verse:
The story starts when it was hot and it was summer
And, I had it all; I had him right there where I wanted him
She came along, got him along, and let's hear the applause
She took him faster than you can say sabotage
I never saw it coming, wouldn't have expected it
I underestimated just who I was dealing with
She had to know the pain was beating on me like a drum
She underestimated just who she was stealing from

[Chorus]
She's not a saint and she's not what you think
She's an actress, Whoa
She's better known for the things that she does
On the mattress, Whoa
Soon she's gonna find
Stealing other people's toys on the playground
Won't make you many friends
She should keep in mind,
She should keep in mind
There is nothing I do better than revenge, Ha

[Verse]
She lives her life like it's a party and she's on the list
She looks at me like I'm a trend and she's so over it
I think her ever present frown is a little troubling
She thinks I'm psycho
Cause I like to rhyme her name with things
Sophistication isn't what you wear, or who you know
Or pushing people down to get you where you wanna go
Oh they didn't teach you that in prep school
So it's up to me
But no amount of vintage dresses gives you dignity

[Chorus]
She's not a saint and she's not what you think
She's an actress, Whoa
She's better known for the things that she does
On the mattress, Whoa
Soon she's gonna find
Stealing other people's toys on the playground
Won't make you many friends
She should keep in mind,
She should keep in mind
There is nothing I do better than revenge, Ha ha


[Bridge]
I'm just another thing for you to roll your eyes at honey
You might have him, but haven't you heard
I'm just another thing for you to roll your eyes at honey
You might have him, but I always get the last word
Whoa

[Chorus]
She's not a saint and she's not what you think
She's an actress, Whoa
She's better known for the things that she does
On the mattress, Whoa
Soon she's gonna find
Stealing other people's toys on the playground
Won't make you many friends
She should keep in mind,
She should keep in mind
There is nothing I do better than revenge,

And do you still feel like you know what you're doing,
Cause I don't think you do, Oh
Do you still feel like you know what you're doing
I don't think you do, I don't think you do
Let's hear the applause
C'mon show me how much better you are
See you deserve some applause
Cause you're so much better
She took him faster than you can say sabotage

Now when I relate this song, it's not really to the fact that someone stole my boyfriend, just stole something from me...plus it relates to a bitch haha! ANYWHO I think my favourite lyrics are "She's better known for the things that she does on the matress" and the fact that people think they are "so much better". Also the fact that this person acts like shes "on the list" or, in my words, all that. BUT whatever!

The fact is I love this song and I can relate it in a different way than Taylor uses here. I love this woman, she is just so fuckign talented!!!

Better than Revenging,
Nessie <3

A beautiful song

A few weeks ago I wrote something, a simple paragraph to a poem. I wrote this one night Jeff and I were having problems, a night where he was actually sitting right there as I grabbed my laptop and wrote it down. He asked me about it, asked me what I was writing. At first I didn't want to tell him, but then I decided I wanted him to know. I wanted him to hear what I had to say, and how I like to say it.

The tears are falling down my face
Like petals off a dying rose
What can I do to stop this pain
Thats in my head down to my toes

When I read this to Jeff, I impressed him. He said it sounded like something from an actual song, something that if finished I could send to some song writer people and make a living off of. I then decided to read him some of my other stuff. Some he thought was good, some could use some work, but he was impressed with what I had done because he never knew I did it.

Going back to what I wrote, this happened on a very bad night for the both of us. He was going through a very depressing night and I was going off a guilty night for assuming and being wrong about what was going to happen that night. Anyone reading this may ask themselves 'why are you with someone who makes you feel this way?' The fact is, this wasn't about him, it was about both of us. The emotions we were both feeling that night, what we were both expressing, was so strong... it was overwhelming.

Jeff and I have our issues, yes, but we both love each other more than anyone could imagine. About two weeks ago, we had a huge fight...over textmessage. The fact that it was via text actually made it worse because I don't hold back anything. In person, I'm afraid to say certain things, so when I'm not infront of someone, and fighting over anything involving text, it makes things all the worse.

Jeff and I almost broke up that night. It was an extreamly bad night, but what got us through it was the love we have for the other. A fight isnt worth ending our relationship over...espically not a fight like the one we had. That night, in the matter of 3 hours, we fought, talked, and worked it out. There was no break, there was no words exchanged enough to tell the other one to think things over and decide where we stand because we know where the other one stands. We both know we love each other enough to work through some petty fight. Right after we fought, we talked, and we were able to work everything out. I am so glad I have someone who will communicate with me enough to work things out rather than leave them in threads.

Beside's, the fact was the fight was my fault. I started it. I was the one making a big deal out of something that wasn't worth it. It's always my fault. I start it all. My new years resolution is to control that and fix it...and i am trying my damndest to do it. So far I'm doing an alright job, kets just hope it continues.

Jeff and I aren't just a fling, we don't JUST love each other...we are IN LOVE with each other...and there is a BIG difference between loving someone and being IN love with someone. Loving someone is when you care for them and have feelings for them...but those feelings aren;t as strong. Those feelings are those of a friend, or family..and you can never actually see yourself having a future that involves kinds with them. Jeff and I are NOT like that. Jeff and I both know that the love we share is special, it is one rarely found. It is the love of two people who want to spend the rest of their lives together, the love of two people who want to have kids together, grow old together, and die together. Jeff and I are IN love.

I love him so fucking much! I can't even imagine a day without him. My heart would shatter if he were to leave my life. I would be nothing without him.

Confessing her love,
Nessie <3