Day 12:

Day 12:
A picture of something you love



Dramonie is my FAVOURITE pairing EVER! PLUS i LOVE Harry Potter so this is just sooo appropriate!! <3

Till later,
Nessie! <3

Day 11

Day 11:
A picture of something you hate


EEEEWWWWWW!!! I hate the Jonas Brothers and Justin Bieber....so yeah this sums it up pretty well!!

Till later
Nessie <3

Day 10:

Day 10:
A picture of the person you do the most fucked up things with

I dont do fucked up things so it would have to be me

Till later
Nessie <3

Day 9: (and rambles!!)

Day 9:
A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most


Where would I be without these two wonderful people? My parents have gotten my through sooo much! School included! Moms always there to talk if I need her, and daddys just daddy!!

And now my rambles...

So i decided to send Jess a message, here's what i said:

You may be wondering why I am messaging you, and possibly debating about reading this or not. For the record, I wouldn’t blame you if you deleted this without reading it, but I would advise you, or at least hope you read this to the end.

I have been debating for a while now about messaging you or not, but I’ve finally decided it was time to be mature, and let bygones be bygones.

So, first off, I want to say that I am sorry for being immature and stupid, and for saying the things I said and doing any thing I did. I was angry and upset and when I get that way I tend to say things I don’t mean, or at least, things I’ve held back from saying. I tend to be rude, and swear, and let my anger get the best of me. I said some pretty rude things, and I acted in a way that was worthy of a twelve year old. I am sorry for my immature ways, and hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

Secondly, I want to let you know, I forgive you for the way you acted as well, whether or not you apologize. I don’t need an apology, and I may not deserve one either, I don’t know I’ll let you decide that. However, if or when you apologize, I am ready to accept it, and even if you don’t, well you are forgiven. I know you said some things out of anger, and acted immaturely as well. It tends to happen when people are upset or pissed off.

I think I should note though that I am not apologizing to you to be friends again. I still feel as if you have changed and are not the person I became friends with, and that it’s hard for us to be friends again. I am simply apologizing to be mature, grown up, and let my mind be rest assured. I hope that doesn’t hurt you, and honestly I don’t think it does because I am sure you feel the same way. I want to be able to pass you in the mall, or on the streets, and not get this uncomfortable feeling, as I have the previous times I passed you.

In all honesty, I am not angry anymore. I’ve gotten over this whole thing and an am ready to move on. I can’t control anything Jeff says, but I don’t think he’s going to say anything. I don’t think he cares anymore either. Anyways, to get to the point, I am sorry, and I forgive you. I hope you can accept my apology. I don’t expect a reply back, and don’t really care if I get one. I just wanted to get this off my shoulders.

...

And heres what she said...

Okay... so to be honest I had absolutely no intention of responding to this, you will soon find out why, but I was told I should tell you the truth about how I feel about this so here it is.

I have to say that this is a pretty bad apology... I almost thought you were being genuine when I read it the first time but when I went through it again I found that there was almost quite literally nothing genuine about it.

You say that you are being the mature person but I have to say that the moment you decided to say "I am simply apologizing to be mature, grown up, and let my mind be rest assured. I hope that doesn’t hurt you, and honestly I don’t think it does because I am sure you feel the same way." and then followed it up with at the end "I don't expect a reply back, and don't really care if I get one. I just wanted to get this off my shoulders." you just proved that there was absolutely nothing mature about it. If anything it was completely selfish and rude. I'd also like to say that no I do not feel the same way because when I apologize to someone I make sure to mean it. How was this an apology, it wasn't real. It was just you making yourself feel better, "getting it off your shoulders". What kind of an apology is that?

You can forgive me all you like but I have not apologized and don't intend to yet, I probably would have had this been a genuine apology but seeing as how it was just you trying to make yourself feel better then I refuse to. To be honest this didn't even deserve a reply in my opinion but like I said I was advised to tell you how I feel. If you'd like to actually apologize without any intentions of you just helping yourself than I will surely listen, but until then I don't intend to give this a second thought.

You advised me to read this and now I am advising you not to apologize to people for selfish reasons. If I had felt that this was genuine you would have gotten a nicer response and a very good chance at an apology back, but I really don't feel like this is anything more then you trying to feel better about all the things you know you did wrong. The only thing I will apologize for at the moment is if this sounds harsh, I am not trying to start an argument. I suppose, there's really no nice way of saying something like this though. It really is too bad… seeing as how this actually would have been a very nice apology and really would have been mature of you, until you added those last two paragraphs…

...

And heres what I say to you now, Jessica Lynn Flewellin...
FUCK YOU! I was genuine whether you believe it or not! I meant what I said, but if you cant accept it then so fuck yourself! BITCH!!

Till later,
Nessie <3

Day 8:

Day 8:
A picture that makes you laugh



Good times with this Pinapple!!! hahaha best thing ever!!

Till next time,
Nessie <3

Day 7:

Day 7:
A picture of your most treasured item


Where would I be without my phone? I wouldn't be able to contact anyone! or keep in touch with them!!

Till next day,
Nessie <3

Day 6:

Day 6:
A picture of the person you'd love to switch places with for the day



I mean, it's pretty obvious! Taylor Swift! For one day to be her, it would be quiet the experience!

Till next time,
Nessie <3

Day 5:

Day 5:
A picture of your favourite memory



What a night this was. Soo much fun, so romantic, a night full of love, dancing, and overall a good time!

Till next time,
Nessie <3

Day 4 (and my weekend!)

Day 4:
A picture of your night

Skating with Jeff


So I'm going to take this oppertunity to talk about my weekend as well! It was so much fun! Friday we went out for lunch and had these really good pita sandwiches, but they were kinda expensive...anyways afterwards we went to City Hall and skated for three and a half hours. By the time we got home it was nearly 8 I think....7:30 or 8, anyways, his friends Nick and Britt ended up coming over around 10:30 or so and we ended up playing Risk for hours, until 5:30 in the morning. I was the first killed off :( but it was fun.

Saturday was a little....weird f a day. I woke at 11 and suddenly turned into a terrible mood, I was so upset and I dont exactly know why. But, after having a shower, going for a walk, listening to some music, cryign a bit and having Jeff see me and finally talk about it...things seemed better. I cooked dinner, we went skating for an hour and a half, had some pizza, and spent a nice cozzy night. We had a nap, then woke up, brought the matress into the living room, cuddled together on it, watched movies and fell asleep in each others arms.

I slept sooo much too, had a nap from like 10:30/11 until 1:18, then stayed up till like 4:30/5 and slept until like 2:30 or so (well I was on and off from 11:30-2:30 but still) it was nice, and we got over our little tufts, and things are good again. I love my baby and were gonna go skating every friday :)

Till Later,
Nessie <3

Day 3:

Day 3:
A picture of the cast of your favourite show

My favourite show USED to be 7th Heaven, but now I LOVE The Vampire Diaries. The show is a very good example of how an adaption from a book to a SHOW should be. They have the main points but they branch it off into their own direction, meaning the books staty personal and the show has it twists and turns you would never have expected. I love the show so much! <3


Other shows I like: True Blood, Secret life of the American teenager, Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother, Hellcats!

Till Later,
Nessie <3

Day 2:

Day 2:

A photo of you and the person you've been closest to the longest



Me and my sister <3

I love you Melissa <3

Till later,
Nessie

30 day photo challenege! Day 1

So there's thing thing on facebook called "the 30 day photo challenge" where you post a different photo every day under certain captions. I am doing it on my twitter as well, and thought I'd post it here too! Spread the love!

Day 1:

A picture of you with 10 facts:

1. I have curly hair
2. I am obsessed with Harry Potter
3. I love to read
4. I am in my 3rd semester, 2nd year of college in ECE
5. I love kids and cant wait to be a mom (in a few years hopefully...not right yet lol)
6. I love the colour purple
7. I love my boyfriend
8. I love Country Music
9. I am NOT a big partier
10. I am me!

If you'd like to join in, feel free to! I won't be able to post one every day as I dont always have internet acess, however, every day I have acess I will!

Till later,
Nessie <3

I GOT MY G1!!!!!!!

So, after 4 very long (and nagging) years, I am pleased to report to you...IVE FINALLY GOT MY G1 LICENSE! Now, for those of you who do not know what the G1 license is..let me explain!

Here in Canada (or maybe its just Ontario...hmm...) we have 3 steps to achieveing a full license. 1. when you turn 16 you go write a test answerin 40 multiple choice questions. 2o are on rules and laws, while 20 are on road signs. You must get 16/20 on each page to pass. I acheved 20/20 on my road signs (woot!!) and 16/20 on the rules/laws (I am SOOOOO happy I didnt fail, I was kinda worried).

When you pass that, you get the chance to do drivers training, where you sit in a classroom and learn about driving, and do road test lessons. Then, when you finish drivers training, you only have to wait 8 months to get you your G2 (which entitles you to drive without a licensed driver of 4 years in the car with you). If you do not take drivers training, you must wait 10-12 months to get your G2.

After the G2 comes the G, which means you are a fully licensed driver, and must renew your license every 4 or 5 years, but theres no limitations to your driving, your free!

So yeah, we do things differently here. However, I passed and I am quite happy with that because I worried I wasn't going to (i struggled with a few of the questions). the point is, I am now licensed (and identified :D lol) and am free to drive (as long as theres a licnesed driver of 4 years with a blood aclohol leverl of 0.5...or 0.05...its on my paper lol)

A happy and licnesed,
Nessie

Appearances, and the pointlessness of them

So, this blog is to discuss how, in my personal opinion, worrying about your appearance is pretty pointless. I can remember when I used to not leave the house without a little makeup on, always made sure my hair looked good, I wanted to wear my heels everytime I left, I made sure my clothes looked good, and I had earrings on. Lately, as in the past 9 months, I havent cared about makeup, earings, or how my hair looks. I still like to wear nice clothes, and I enjoy my heels (or at least shoes that 'click' when you walk), but I'm not too concerned about them.

The reason that brought this about was the fact that I got psoriasis and it affected my eyes and ears and I didnt wanna put makeup on my eyes and clog my pores more than they already were, making them more dry. I couldn't wear earrings because the psoriasis was blocking my holes. I had scalp psoriasis as well, so I didnt wanna put too much product in my hair and affect that, so I stopped caring so much about how I looked.

At first, I was a little self consious about it; I was worried my new boyfriend wouldnt like me as much because I wasnt looking as good as I did when we met... but he assured me he loved the way I look regardless...in fact he likes me better without makeup, loves my hair a mess, and ear rings just got in his way lol.

I started to realzie, that natural beauty really is better than the fake shit, plastering make up, dressing in fancy clothes trying to look hot, and making sure your hair is perfect...it was just a waste of time. Going to the bathroom every hour, or checking your pocket mirror every chance you had, just to make sure everything was still perfect...it was stupid, its pointless, and it justs makes you look fake. So i stopped.

Even after my psoriasis has basically cleared up on my face, and my eares are free for earrings, I just dont care about wearing them, or wasting time putting make up and looking fake. I am beautiful just the way i am, and I dont care what people think. I am who I am, I look the way I look, and I dont need makeup and nice perfect hair to prove to anyone.

THIS IS ME!!!


(no makeup...now a-days!!)

(with makeup)

Personally, I think I look perfectly beautiful without it!

A natural Beauty,
Nessie <3

The best week EVER!

So I pretty much had the best week this past week! Let's do a day-by-day play shall we?!

So Sunday I went to Jeff's after coming home because I hadn't seen him in so long and I missed him SOOOO fucking much! I told him the only way I would come is if he made me a promise... he had to show me how much he missed me...and show me he did!...twice :D it was pretty good!

Monday at school I got the results back for my Partnership With Parents test, and recieved an 88% on it! A test I was sure I'd do bad on! So I was quiet happy...also I spent the night at Jeffs...and again... we shared our love :D

Tuesday was pretty good as well, I finished an assignment that was due, spent time with my friends and such. Again, I spent the night at Jeffie's.

Wendesday I got another test result back... a 72% on my Infant and Toddler test...not the best, but even the teacher said it wasn't bad considering the test was hard, and the class average was like 64 or 68..something like that.... so I am quiet proud of myself. and once again I spent the night at my babe's!

Thursday morning Jeff and I went out for breakfast... it wasn't too bad, and I love him for doing it. It wasnt anything we planned, I just happened to wake up at 7, and he woke up at like 6... and he said "we should go for breakfast"... spontanety...i LOVE it! <3

Friday we spent the WHOLE day together! We slept in until bout 2, went to a movie (paranormal activity 2), went to dinner at kelseys (not too bad, but not too much on the menu i liked), and then went back to his place and made love! I love this guy so fucking much!

Saturday Jeff had to work, but only till 5. He came home, we watched some TV, made love again (and man was it SO FUCKING GOOD!) and cuddled. I love the fact we can sit and cuddle and watch tv and movies and still have a good time. I dont get bored of it! Not to mention, Saturday was Jeff and mine 9 months!!! 3/4 of a year baby! <3

Today, Sunday, was a meh day because Jeff did have to work. That doesnt mean I did like being with him for the short amount of time I did...we showered and cuddled until he had to leave at 3.

Overall, I loved spending time with my love! We have also been talking a lot about out future...he pretty much asked me to move in after i graduate (which was pretty much the plan all along) and we've also been talking about kids, and how apparently I'm going to make sure they do their homeowrk and help them and such...while he will make their lunches and get them off to school. We also have a little debate going on about the basement of our house...when we get one... Daycare place or a place for him (aka big TV, bar, and leafs stuff everywhere)... personally, the daycare is WAY better investment cuz we get more out of it...but we'll see

Anywho, that was my AMAZING week! It was so nice, and peaceful, and loving... I just had such a good week!

A very Happy,
Nessie <3

NaNoWriMo!!

SO!!! NaNoWriMo offically starts today! Am I worried?! A little lol!

If you don't know what NaNoWriMo is, it's National Novel Writing Month...basically, you write a 50,000 word book during the month of Novemeber! It's crazy hard because on top of homework and things, I've got to write a novel! It is a lot of fun though, and definatly a great experience for practice for becoming a writer!

Now, I hadn't had time to even prepare for NaNoWriMo with the amount of homework I've had, so going into it this year is pretty insane for me! Pretty much I just started writing, and I'm going with the idea I started, which I believe I can use this one part I started to write for a different story in this... hopefully anyways!

Last year, I did a story that I had like the first page written, and ended up writing 27000 words... however, last year was also my first semester of college and a lot less work! I am now in third semester and loaded up with homework and assignments and my future approaching crazy fast! I must be insane to be doing this! However, I love to write, and if I fail this year...well... theres always next year!

50,000 words seems a lot to write in a month, and it is! Imagine writing a WHOLE book in one month! Not many people can say that...in fact, the first story I wrote seriosuly was about 50000 words and i wrote it in 2 months....but the story was terribly written, and definatly not what I would expect of myself now a days.

I'm looking fowards to seeing what my imagination will bring me...the story is off to an interesting start, and I'm not ahsmaed to say I have NO CLUE where it's going...but thats the glory of writing, the imagination it takes to write a story can take you into starnge and new places, and you may have the best piece of writing ever, or the worst. The fact is, you never know what will become of a story! You cna plot, plot, plot, but in the end, the final draft is almost nothing like what you started with.

I'll probably sit down some day this week and figure out a few details to put into the story, how I want it to end and such, but for now, I'll free write, and let me mind take me away! my goal is 2000 words a day...wish me luck!

Till later,
I'll definatly be sure to update through this month...
nessie <3

relaxation!

Being home is so relaxing, I know I dont need to worry about fucking bitches interuppting me and demanding my attention because apparently we NEED TO TALK! Home is safe, home is loving, home is wonderful...however I miss my babe. Sadly, he has to work 4-12 every day until mondya or tuesday :( this means I havent seen him since Monday, and I dunno when Ill see him next :( But he has got his phone, and we do get to text...its just sad that we both miss each other so fucking much!

On another note, Ive gotten 3 of 6 assignments scratched off my to do list for this weekend! 1 i cant work on cuz i have nothing to add to it (and as long as it doesnt relate to anything next week, it is done). Te other pone, all I need to do is take a picture of me in the fall colours by a tree and make the poster for parents. The other one I am done, and its not due until Nov 10! so yay me!! so proud of myself!

Anywho, just a quick little update, listenign to Tay Tay's album on REPEAT! Love it!

Till Later.
Nessie <3

I dont take orders...

LMAO so, even though I am SOOOO pissed off right now, I need to laugh at the fact that people think they can order me around and make me do things! If you can't handle the honesty, then thats your problem, dont make shit so obvious then. If you were smart, you wouldnt have made fun of the way the word was misspelt, you would have said something like "wow, dont know how you messed it up, its so easy to spell!" or something like that...it doesnt give away what your saying! HA!

Anyways, I'm so fucking pissed right now and now I'm distracted from trying to study for my fucking test...thanks a whole fucking lot! But whatever, your loss, i dont care what you think right now. I've got enough on my plate with school and assignmnets then to worry about what you have to say to me.

If you HAD wanted to talk to me so badly, you would have tried. So I dont really give a fuck if you do wanna, or what you have to say. If I lose you as a friend, then you obviously werent my friend in the first place. But its funny why this is happening...

anywho, back to trying to study!
a very pissed off, but knows things will be better when Jeff texts me
Nessie <3

SPEAK NOW!!!

So OMG! speak now came out today and i LOVE it!!! Taylor Swift has gone beyond all my expectations. Among my favourites are Sparks Fly, Back to December, Dear John, Better than Revenge, Ours. Of course, i LOVE all the songs, but those are the ones I love best!

I'm gonna go through each song and review it...

The first song is Mine. Now, Mine has been out since August, and I've loved it from the very beginning! The song is so beautiful, like a love story/fairy tale thing. The video is SO empowering, and emotional. The song describes a happily-ever-after love, that Taylor says is how she pictures it happening...although we all know not everything we picture actually happens. However, the song is wonderful, and the lyrics relatable.

Sparks Fly is the second track. This song has been out for about 2 years now, but it was only a live version before hand. Taylor has changed the lyrics up a bit and made it so simple amazing! it is definatly one of m favourite songs on the CD, seeing as it has been one of my favourite songs since I first heard it! I wish she had left the lyrics, but the change may very well be for the better!

Back to December is a song about a love that she ended and wishes she could take back. Now, we, the fans, have been able to easily figure out it is about Taylor Lautner, but no matter who it's about, the song is simply beautiful. It's a sad love song, but the lyrics and the beat is just so empowering and emotional... it's definatly a song I'd listen to and cry if Jeff and i were to ever break up.

Speak Now is a song she wrote about a dream she had after a friend told her about an ex getting married. In her dream, she burst in a "spoke now" when the "preacher said speak now or forever hold your peace." the song is funny, and catchy, and just a good little song to listen to. It's not as personal as some of her other ones, but I'm sure there's a story behind it. There always is lol.

Dear John is a VERY long but wonderful song. It speaks of a man (john) who she fell for, but he played games. He never loved her, and left her alone to cry. A lot of people think it's about John Mayer, however, nothing has been proven. Many people also seem to thunk that the lyrics somehow say she slept (had sex) with him...I can sorta see it if thats what your looking for...and based on his rep its likely...but Taylor seems smarter...but you never know. Anyways, I love this song, the lyrics are amazing, and very poetic!

Mean is a song that I think is very catchy and funny. It talks about her being big and this guy just being mean. I love the beat to it, and cant wait to learn and sing along to it! Its a fun song, and talks about life and mean people.

The Story of Us is basically a song where she thougjht the relationship would last, and she'd tell the story of them, but the relationsip died and shes left alone in a room. I like this song, its a sad song, but again, the lyrics are amazing!

Never grow up...what to say about this song? its a song about her mobing out on her own and not wanting to grow up...it sings about a little grow asking never to grow up and stay young and innocent forever. It's definatly a song I'd wanna say to a little girl (let it be a niece that is yet to exist, or a friends child...etc) or even my own child. Its simple a beautiulf song.

Enchanted, the song sounds to be about a meeting with someone that was simple enchanting...it was wonderful and she wish it would have gone on, but nothing happened that night and she wishes, dreams and prays to meet him again someday. She hopes he doesnt love anyone, and that nobodys waiting for him. I quiet like this song as well!

Better than Revenge! Now, this song has a rock edge to it! I LOVE it! Its catchy and I'll be FOREVER singing it when I learn it! I love the way the lyrics are written, and I LOVE how she says "there is nothing i do better than revenge"! Definatly one of my FAVE songs!

Innocent, now this song was premiered at the VMA awards, and is typically about kanya West and the way he interupted her acceptance last VMA awards... the song is also about making mistakes and still being "innocent" because we all do it, and theres always a way to start over. I really love the lyrics to this song, because it is VERY relatable to a lot of people.

Haunted reminds me a bit of a Kelly Clarkson song..at least the orignal version does, jsut because of the beat of the song. Theres an aucoustic version included as well...anwyays it seems to be another break up song, however i still love it! The lyrics are quiet beautiful and, again, relatable for a lot of people!

Last Kiss is a sad song, personally. It reminds me, again, of something I'd listen to if Jeff and I were to ever break up, cuz the lyrics sound like what I'd relate to if it happened. I believe this one is also about Taylor Lautner, but I can't be sure. However, I lvoe the song!

Long Live, I can't exactly figure out what it's about...except a big moment that you want remembered. I like the lyrics, and they make me think of her mom or something...but it says "we were the kings and queens, and they read off our names"... unless shes talking about her band...im not exactly sure, but i love the song regardless!

On the delux version...there are 3 new songs!

Ours is my FAVOURITE because the lyrics are SOOO relatable for me and Jeff. Here are some I think we relate to...

Seems like there's always someone who disapproves, They'll judge it like they know about me and you, And the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do, The jury's out, but my choice is you" ... "And it's not theirs to speculate, If it's wrong and your hands are tough but they are where mine belong and, I'll fight their doubt and give you faith with this song for you

Obviously, i think it's pretty obvious why I think we relate to these lyrics...people disapproving of us, judging us like they know us....speculating even though they have no right... but I have the faith and I choose him... "this love is ours"

I love Ours, its a song about a relationship that gets doubts, and worries, but the love is theirs and there is no worries because they love each other :)

If this was a movie is cute, about how perfect life is supposed to be, like in the movies, but obiovusly its not. I like the song, though.

Superman is like a dream song about a man who is "superman", hes perfect. However, hes gone, she "watched him fly away", and he is no longer hers. She wants him to come back, shes waiting on the ground for him to come back down. While he's gone, she doesn't want him to forget about her. The song is cute, i like it, and i love the title :) (smallville, hehe lol)

OVERALL i LOVE Taylor Swift's new album, and I HIGHLY recomend it to ANYONE! The songs are beautiful, meaningful, and perosnally, they touch my heart and make me feel Taylor's oain/happiness! Way to go Tay Tay, you have NOT failed to disappoint me, I knew you wouldnt!

A very happy and loving
Nessie <3

Infatutated?!?!

Ok so I am SOOOOOOOOOOOO fucking pissed off! Like, honestly, SOMEONE is ENTIERLY out of line....now, i sya someone, but obviously I'm gonna post the picture WHY I'm pissed off...so it doesn't really matter if I mention her name or not...

TISHA! like honestly, who the fuck does she think she is?! Honestly, is she TRYING to fuck up my friendship with her as well? Because she is doing a fucking good job about it. However, I don't wanna say anything to her until she says something to me. Jeff advised me that it would be stupid to say something when I'm pissed because it may lead to losing another friend and he's right. So I'll just write a blog to vent because thats what I always do, because talking just isnt enough to get EVERYTHING i wanna say down. And if she sees this because someone is still crreping my blog like a loser she is, then hey, she sees it, her fault, i dont give a shit..

ANYWAYS, heres a little definiton of "infactuation":
- a foolish and usually extravagant passion or love or admiaration
- puppy love: temp love of adolescents
- an object of extravagant short-lived passion
- an unreasoning love or attraction
- to inspire with unreasoning love or attachment

NOW does that REALLY sound like Jeff and I?! NO! FUCK NO! she has no idea what happens between Jeff and I, she has NO idea what Jeff and I are like...we do not have "unreasoned love or attachment" it is not "foolish and extravagant" and it is definatly NOT temporary!

It just pisses me off that she doesn't think I love him, and that he loves me! She has NO right to say ANYTHING about MY relationship without looking at HER OWN relationship first! There is a LOT I could say about her and her boyfriend...but i WONT because I consider her my best friend and friends DO NOT say shit about their friend's boyfriends...ok maybe I used to, but I havent in a VERY long time, and it's pretty immature of her to post something like that.

Did she think I wouldnt see?! Or did she want me to see?! and WHY would she say something like that? Like honestly, some friend she is, and to say it over twitter and not to my face like a TRUE friend would?! thats just PATHETIC! OBVIOUSLY I'm not a good enough friend to get the truth, obviously she doesnt think I'm worthy enough to be told the TRUTH!

UGH it just pisses me off SOOOOOOO fucking much!

So anyways...this is the picture..

If you cant see it, she says "Dont know how tou can mix that one up, I know how you mix up love with infactuation BUT everyone knows the E comes after the T! quITE, quIET"

And my thing says.... "Got another 3 curriculums done, and got 3 on both :) quiet proud of myself! midterm eval tomorrow!" As you can see, i made 2 mistakes...yes I spelt Quite wrong...but I ALWAYS make mistakes when I text because the keys are small and close togteher, an I have a habit of typing fast and not spell checking...the other error I made was that I said I got 3 curriculums done, and got 3 on both...I shoulda said I got 2 curriclums done and 3 on both...so the fucking E misplacesment WASNT that big of a FUCKING deal...she was juts trying to make an excuse to fucking BASH on me! FUCK! UGH!

I am NOT saying a word to her until she says something to me...she texted me the other week saying we "clearly" need to talk and fuckign CLEARLY we do if this is what she FUCKING thinks of me! UGH

a pissed off, but will be alright,
Nessie <3

*UPDATE!
Looking at my facebook, I had made the spelling error twice.... this one matched up with her post because they are both Oct 20....


Again, if you cant see my post... it says"

Got my interview done for partnership, and did my first curriculum, recieving a 3 on it :D quiet proud of myself...doing 2 more curriculums tomorrow"

this was posted on Oct 20th, and so was her Tweet...but thats besides te point! Like fucking REALLY?! it just fucking PISSES ME OFF!

Anywho..again, until later,
Nessie

To you...

If you read this, fuck you! I am tired of your shit! I knew you were still creeping my twitter, you were always bad for stalking people on facebook, so why wouldn't twitter be any different? theres a reason i blocked you in the fucking first place! Now ive set my status to private, and you cant find anything out because ive also blocked tisha because for some reason i think she was 'reporting' everything to you! well back off bitch, im done with you! There is no trace of you in my life anymore, ive thrown out your pictures, deleted and untagged any picture of you, no matter who else was in it, or how cute it was! Im done with your fucking shit, and i am SO fucking done with you. If there was ever the smallest chance of us being friends again, its gone. So why dont you go fuck yourself and have a good life with your boyfriend, i could care less about you anymore!

Updated songs...

This post isnt for new songs or whatever...its for the updates on my old ones!

Tell me, can you feel the trust I see in you
The trust thats never ending
The one I can count on
no matter how great the battle

I kiss your cheek, whisper I love you in the moonlight
then I turn my back and walk out that door
Knowing I cant come back no more

Its a series of complications these things we call relationships
theres always ups and theres always down
and were all too afraid to turn them all around

I think back on what we had, all the happy things we did
I dont know what happened, Ive placed my last bid
its hard to continue this way
Just stay here in the bed you lay

Its only 2, but hey, Im working on em!!

Nessie <3

Many Songs!!

Wow! So as I was looking for the small songs I had planned on adding here, I came across a lot more then I ever realized I wrote! Things hidden away in the middle of a notebook, I guess i hid it so I'd find it someday lol...ANYWHO heres what I found:

Thunder crashes, rain falls
it's the calm before the storm
tears are falling down my face
i can't take this anymore

The earth shakes, the air cracks
my heart is breaking at the thought
of not having you in my life
and the happiness you've brought

My hand in yours our hearts are one
baby don't ever leave
I love you, forgive me
for just being myself

I honestly can't remember what this song was even about.... but I actyally kinda like it :)

Here's a small one..

I know, you know, how I'm feeling
But you don't understand it at all

This one I wrote on April 29th 2010, the day I told Jeff I loved him...BUT i wrote this BEFORE i told him...

My heart spells out a simple four letter word for you
It's taken a while for me to finally realize this
I've kept you waiting lone enoigh, babe and I'm sorry to say
That I've been waiting for the perfect time to admit the bliss

My mind has reazlied that there is no time to wait
speak the words your heart wants to
open your mouth and let the words fly out
jump in, take the plung and say

I-Love-You, you know I do
I-Love-You, I've fallen it's true
I-Love-You, I can't help but say
My heart's decided to feel this way

I found this one in a book that I wrote some songs in, and really liked it...

Sometimes I know its bad
to be the one you see in the mirror
but if your not, life could be hell
i dont think you wanna go that way

So be yourself, its who you are
if you dont like you, nobody will
be yourself its worked so far
i know its a long step up that hill

This is an old one I wrote, I dont like the whole song, just a few lines I wrote of it, so thats all I'm gonna post

It feels like it's time for me to move on
Everytime I think of you it hurts inside
I don't know what I'm going to do
It feels like I'm all alone

This is another old one that I like the one line of:

The leaves drope down like the tears in my eyes
Nothing can be done to my heart inside

Another old one...

It just won't go away
I just can't make it stop
the pain just sits with me
And All I can do is cry

This is a few random lines that don't fit together, for a song i wrote called "My Breaking Heart"

It seems everyone I loved, never appreicated me
What do I do, how do I deal with this
how could anyone ever live like this

This song was called "Dreams", it's a silly song I wrote when I was like 15 I believe....but only a few lines I really like

Fly high into the sky
never stop flying
reach your dreams

Never stop trying, fly fly fly
fly to the sky

This is a few random lines...

I'm here alone
because of what you did to me
your not the one I thought I knew
Not the one I grew to love
I'm here alone with these tears
going down my face as I think of you

I'm not exactly sure what I wrote this one about...I think it MAY have been Jeff.... but I can't exactly be sure...

I'm sitting here in my room thinking of you
wondering if your thinking of me
i close my eyes and see your face
and I wonder if you can see, see me too

Nobody realzies the pain this is
not being able to see you
All i wanna do is hold you
Oh god, I miss you

Why did everyone have to go and mess everything up
everyone is always trying to tell me what to do

I'm sitting alone in my room thinking of you
wondering if you are thinking of me..too

This song I wrote, when I was abput 16 or 17, and feelign quiet alone...

Nobody knows I'm crying on the inside
Nobody knows, the tears that fall down my face
I fake a smile everyday, so nobody will know

Nobody knows how lonely I feel
Nobody knows how lonely you make me
All anybody sees is that I'm happy
they dont know the smile I fake everyday

My friends can make me laugh, but I feel like crying
When I am alone I cry my eyes out
I feel so alone

They don't know, oh no they dont
they dont know how sad I am
They dont know, oh no they dont
that I fake it everyday

And another one...I believe I wrot ethis about 2 years ago...

Its so hard to decide what to do
Should I stay or should I go, I dont know
So much lies on what I choose
But i dont know what to do

This last one is about making choices and thinking

Sometimes I need to clear my head
I need to sit in the silence and dark, alone
I need the time to think it through
So please just give me space

If I asked you to go away, would you do it
If I told you I couldn't do it anymore, what wo0ud you do
Can you ever understand how it feels to be in the dark
do you know what it feels like, to hear the silence

Well, that's all I have to share!.... I've edited actually worked on some more of the others but I think I'll add that in another post because this one is fairly long! Hope you enjoyed!

I would also liek to add... REMEMBER RUBY!

Nessie <3>

Excitement!

So, OMG! 8 months in less than 2 hours! Why does this excite me? for many reasons...

1. Jeff is my longest relationship...he has been for a while now, but honestly, I never actually thought I would ever see myself in a long realtionship before Jeff...I always thought I was destined for meaningless, loveless, pointless little relationships that never went anywhere and never lasted long... I thought guys didn't like me (and still...i feel that, although slowly im growing more confident thanks to my sexy, amazing and loving boyfriend!)

2. I'm in 3rd (tied i believe lol) for Jeffs longest relationship....this is a BIG step for him...espcially the loving me thing to begin with...personally, I like to think of myself as his 2nd longest relationship becase at least he has real feelings for me, he loves me... he only loved one other girl, his first girlfriend when he was like 18 or 19 or something....so in my opinion, of the relationships that really matter, I am 2nd best! ( well....he says i am THE best relationship hes ever been in, I make im feel so many things, its undescriable!!)

3. 8 months is close to a year...and a lot of people didnt think we would last long. People are stupid. If there was one singe thought that Jeff and i wouldn't last as long as we have, then I'm pissed at you! If youre a friend of mine, I'd hope for support and not assumptions about how long the relationship will be! I am so incerdiably happy with Jeff, and just know it will last!

Other things I'm excited for...

On the weekend, well Saturday, jeff and I kinda celebrated his birthday 2 weeks early. The fact is hes gonna start working saturdays again, starting this weekend, so we wont really have time to do it. Well, we were going to the mall anyways, so Jeff mentioned that while were at the mall, we might as well get his keys copied. WELL i was planning on surprising Jeff with copies of his keys as Tornot Maple Leaf keys...but since we were going, and he mentioned it, I figured I'd tell him... he loved the idea and of course we got it done.... and I GOT A SET OF HIS KEYS!!!!

It doesnt make a different really, i practiclly owned his keys anyways cuz hed leave them with me... but still, its good to have a set and see how much Jeff loves me, trusts me, and is 100% devoted to me.

The other thing we did for his birthday was make HIM a build a bear...of course its a Toronto Maple Leafs one... and he named it Beary Leafy lol, but he loves it, and was showing it (and the keys) off to everyoene. We ordered pizza rather than go out for dinner, but it was still awesome!

His last birthday gift I have for him is a photo album I've put together of us... its a surprise, and he wont get it till his birthday...and if possible i wanna give it to him in front of his family :) but we'll see what happens. I hope he likes it, I have a feeling he will..but who knows.

ANYWHO...I dont think I've got anything else to say...1 and a half hours till out 8 months :D

Till later,
A nessie full of love <3

Quotes!!

So, I was going over an old Facebook note that I have in which I wrote a lot of quotes that I've come up with or have been inspiered by... I wanted to share a few of my faves!

"Never give up on something that you really want, because if you do you may be missing out on something that could change your life forever. Persue it until you can't do it no more."

"When you focus on the negative, the negative tends to happen. Focus on the positive and things will be brighter."

"Love, it isn't soemthing we choose to feel, or something we can control. It's something to hold onto, something to believe in, and something to never forget. No matter how much it hurts."

"Do you ever stop to think about why things have turned out the way they have? Do you ever wanna go back and relive a moment that was so perfect and happy, that you never wanna let it go? Always remember and never forget."

"Throughout life, there are going to be many hurts, but there will also be joys. Love is something that can both hurt us and make us joyful. In my opinion, love will be the main cause of both these feelings. But just know, even if you are hurt by love, love can also heal you from that hurt, because there is always someone out there who loves you and wants you to be happy."

"Years of friendship have brought us to this moment, the moment when you realize that life wouldn't be as great if you weren't in it, and that everything that has happened in life, has happened so that we could lead up to this moment, there moment where I can say, I love you."

"Music, the beat of the heart"

These are some of my fave quotes i've come up with :)

Until later,
Nessie <3

Even more poems/songs!

So.... I've got more chours/verse song things or poems or WHATEVER you wanna call em! lol

This first one is very short and I plan on improving....

Tell me, can you feel the trust that I see in you

This next one sounds bad, but I plan on making it actually happy...somehow lol

I kiss your cheek, whsiper I love you in the moonlight
Then I turn my back and walk out that door
Knwoing I cant come back no more

It's a series of complications these things we call relationships
Theres always ups and theres always downs
And were too afraid to turn them all around

This one is about trust...

I'm taking the word
hoping its true
dont break my trust
or baby im through

This one is about endings

I dont know how things came to be this was
How we went from everythings ok to goodbye
I walk right past you as if you were never there for me
But I cant make this feeling go away

This is a cute one I thought of!

You picked me up when I was down
Lifted me up from the ground
I dunno what I would do
If I never found you

I wrote this one a long time ago:

I love the way you whisper sweet nothings in my ear, when im half asleep
And the way you hold me when were watching tv makes me tingle inside
Everything you do is perfect but Im afraid to say

Baby im falling fast like you knew i would
and baby im falling faster than i thought i could
I dont know what im gonna do
when you say i love you, should i say i love you too

I call this one, "One way":

I feel as if I'm on a two way road
and your on a one way street going the wrong way
I share what I feel always with you
But you dont return the favour

I feel like I need to add an explanation to this one... the two way road metephor is the fact that I'm on a two way road, im going one way and i want him to go the other way...however, the reality is that hes on the one way road going the wrong way because hes not doing whats meant to be done...does that make sense?! no?! ah well! lol

This next one is called truth...its kinda changed since i wrote this but anyways...

What do you do when you suspect its not true
when you dont know if you can coutn on thr truth
And lie build and build, and secrets are told
And thers no way out

How do you say you know, know its a lie
How can you tell him, wothout leading goodbye
what can i do to make everything alright
and hold on to his love all night

Thats all I have for now! I will try to contunue working on more!
Love you all
Nessie <3

Songs/poems!

So this post is simply a place for me to put the things I have written recently, kinda a place to have all of them together.

This first one came to me while lyng in bed with Jeff:
I couldn't sleep that night
I couldn't close my eyes
I couldn't drfit away uinto that world
Where dreams are made

So I asked him, 'what did you do?'
And he said, 'I just looked at you'

Pretty much what it's about is a guy who couldn't sleep one night so he spent his time lookng at the girl he loved...at least, thats the chorus...which isn't even done cuz somethings gotta go between "Where dreams are made" and "So I asked him"

This next one I've posts already, but I'm gonna add it again.
I'm letting go
Moving on
trying to forget what we had

Dry the tears
force a smile
Live my life my way

I've changed it a bit from what I had before, but basically this is about letting go of a friend (or boyfriend, or whatever) that you really cared for and pretending everythings alright.

This one is just a fun little thing about how people judge you:
You don't like the way I dress
You alkways think my hairs a mess
Nothing I do can please you

You think all my friends are freaks
And the music I like lacks the beat
But tell me, did you know
That I aint me for you

Pretty much, its just saying that you are who you are and that you shouldn't listen to what other people think. You aren't you to please them.

This little poem I wrote when I was feeling a little down...
I sit here alone and wonder if
I'm really the one for you
We are such different people
complete opposites
How can we ever be one

I love you and want whats best for you
But how can I be sure thats me
With the you you are
And who I am
Can we ever know for sure

My hearts says yes but my mind says no
Which one do I believe?

It's just me wondering if wat I had was true, but i realized that it doesn't matter how different you are, it's the love you share and how you handle it, that truely matters and theres never any doubt in my mind that we belong together :)

This one I wrote about this time last year, it's another poem:
Sitting here all alone, thinking of it all
I feel like I'm falling apart
I can't explain why I feel this way

I feel like I'm falling and theres no one here to catch me
I feel like I'm all alone
I feel all the complications and its making me hurt
I feel like I'll never get it done

I'm sitting her cyring, stressing of it all
thinking of everything that needs to be done
Its not making it any easier

Where are you when I need you most?
Where are you when I cry?
I need someone to hold me tight

Please come find me

I wrote this during a very stressful time when I needed to get a lot of things done but worried I wouldn't be able to. I was able to and everything worked out :)

I'm not sure if I've posted this before on another post or not, so I'm gonna post it here:
The tears stream down my face
As I think of you
I dont think you even know
What you do to me

The love I have is so strong for you
I lose control of everything
But you dont seem to notice
The pain im living in

This was written when I was upset about something, but, again, everything turned out good!

Well Alrighty, I think that's it,
Till Later,
Nessie

Offically over :D

That's right, Jess and I are offically OVER! She's deleted me off Facebook and stopped following me on twitter too! How do I feel about this? I am perfectly OK with this, in fact I'm kinda hapy about it. She is now gonna be given the name Jeff gave her a long time ago...'bitchface'. And since her 'oh so wonderful boyfriend who is soooo good to her' always has to defend her battles as well, he can have Jeffs nickname for him too, 'fuckface'. The only part that sucks about all this is the fact that I can't even tell Jeff because he has no time on his phone at the moment...but he will find out as soon as he gets time and texts me!

How did this come to be you may wonder? Well, it all started with a few posts on twitter, which soon came to fuckface saying that "the studpidity of some poeple makes me weep for this generation. Especially from people who think thye are so much holier than everyone else and yet can't stop coming off with the stupidest things constantly. You're all quiet dumb." Well, personally, I think this was directed at me.

And then, I make one comment, one simple little comment on my twitter, "That would be stupid and pathetic." And of course bitchface has to go and fucking post on her facebook (i can't give a direct quote because she has deleted me) something about how 'some poeple' (aka me) needs to stop hiding on the internet and constantly posting what their thinking on twitter....OBVIOUSLY she meant me because I had JUST made a post a few minutes before. So I posted back "loves posting what I want on twitter. if you dont like it, unfollow me. Its my twitter i can post what I want when I want where I want! because not everything i post is about you, stop assuming things YOU dont understand." And she came back with. "thats supper, just proving how pathetic and cowardly you are :) end of conversation. end of you. Bye Bye" So I went back "think what you want I dont give a shit anymore...bye!"

So yeah, we're done and I really don't care. If I dont see her again, it'd be too soon. I know I'll be seeing her around the school and probably runing into her with Tisha, but I've got other friends at school, friends in MY classes that i made last year who i always hang with, so it doesnt bother me. I could really not give a shit! Perhaps its finally time to make this blog public since I know she wont be seeing it anymore! haha now I dont feel bad about any of the previous posts!

Until later my peeps!
A very happy Nessie!

BIRTHDAY!!!

So, like I promised, here is my post about my birthday!

I arrived at Jeffs at 11 o'clock and his friend Justin let me in because Jeff was asleep on the couch. I went into his room and read and listened to my iPod while the two of them slept, and then at 1 I went to wake Jeff up. He didn't wanna get up, rather he pulled me down onto the couch and we cuddled...for about an hour or so. It was nice just to lay there beside him, in his arms after we'd been away from each other for so long. He ended up being late for work, but I really didn't care like I normally would. I liked just being in his arms.

That night he got home from work and we just kinda hung out and watched movies with his buddy Justin (who was staying with him for a few days). We went to bed at about 4am or so. The next day, we slept till about 2pm, and then we just lay there, cuddling and relaxing in each others arms for about 2 hours. It was one of te best moments ever. It was so nice just to be there with him, cuddled in his arms, feeling safe, secure and loved. At 4pm, we got up, got dressed and headed off to dinner.

We went to the Mandrine for dinner, and I had 3 plates of food, 1 plate of fruit and a plate of dessert. Jeff had about 3 or 4 plates of food, 2 bowls of soup, plate of fruit...and he tried Sushi. Highlight of dinner was him and sushi. He wanted to do something really memorable for my birthday and it will honestly be something I won't forget.

After dinner we went to the mall and to build a bear and we build a bear together...the most AMAZING bear ever...VJ Potter! It's a black teddy wearing a wizards outfit, Harry Potter glasses, and a heart on his chest that says 'I Love You'. VJ is my most favourite bear, I hug him at night when I miss Jeff.

Afterwards, we went to the LCBO and got some Vodka and bought some juice...I wanted to get drunk...and of course Jeff wanted me to lol. Unfortenatly, I've come to the conclusion that I can't drink anymore. One drink and I felt sick...of course Jeff and Justin made me take a shot as well...but I honestly just couldn;t drink. I felt kinda bad, but what can you do.

Overall, I must say it was one of the most amazing birthdays I ever had. I loved spending the day with the man I loved, Just me and him, out to dinner, building a bear together, and drinking. I loved it, I love him! Thank you Jeff for making it so special <3

Until later,
Nessie

Done

So, I've finally, after many thoughts, have come to the conclusions that Jess and I are pretty much done as friends. Too much has happened between us, too much has been said, and too much tension and strain in our relationship to make things work. Am I bothered by it? Do I feel heartbroken? Not really, to be honest. I think we both saw it coming for a while now, it was just a matter of who was going to state it first.

Things changed between us. She says I've changed; personally I don't see it. I think she's changed...she just isn't the same person I became best friends with. She's too worried about her looks, shes turned into a little party girl, she's not as fun anymore to be around... I just can't really stand to be around her. It sounds bad, but half the time her FB status's annoy me, things she says, things she does...I can't help it.

I have to admit, jeff is happy though, that I've decided to be done of her. He doesn't like her, and that was one of the main issues. I felt as if anything I said or did concerning Jeff, anytime I'd mention him or something, that she'd get annoyed or frustrated. A guy shouldn't come between friends, but if you let it, things like this happen. I'm not gonna be forced to choose between the two of them, and I think that's kinda what she was asking me to do, without actually using the words. It's like she expected me to say 'sorry babe but my friend doesnt like you so this isnt gonna work' pretty much like she wanted me to either dump him or just forget about him, just so she'd be happy.

I've never been happier with Jeff, he makes me feel safe, loved and, overall, special. If I wasnt with him, I'd be another lonely girl pretending to be happy. I felt as if she was asking me to give up my happiness to make her hapy. Whether or not this was her intentions, I dont know, but thats just how I felt and I wasnt going to do that.

I am hoping that someday, we can work things out and be what we used to be, but I have a feeling it may never come to be. Does this disappoint me? Only a little. Who knows what will happen in a few years. Maybe Jeff and I will break up and that will bring Jess and I together...maybe she and Richard will break up and she may turn to me and Tisha for comfort...anything can happen. But for now, I'll just have to wait and see.

Until then, here's something I've been working on:

I'm letting go
Moving on
trying to forget everything there was between us

Dry the tears
Force a smile
live my life the way its meant to be

Thats it for now,
Nessie <3

Alone

Have you ever felt so alone because people who you thought were your friends only talk to you when they have a question, and the one person you want to be with is miles away? Do you know how it feels to sit there and cry because all you want is a big comforting hug? I was feeling like this last night...

All I wanted was Jeff, all I needed was a hug from Jeff. I couldn't stop thinking about him, but his phone was charging and I couldn't talk to him, and all I wanted was to be with him. I cried quiet a bit because it got me thinking of other things, things that upset me, things that I hoped, and things I was worried for. This isn't ordinary love I have for him, the way I feel when we're apart, the way I am around him, and the way I can't stand the thought of losing him... this isn't just love, this is soul mates. I swear we were meant to be together.

I can't get into details, exactly, as to why I feel this, I'm on the wrong blog for that, but just because of things hes said, and wants to promise me...I know the impact I've made in his life, and the impact he's made in mine. I know we're meant for each other. Which is why I miss him dearly :(

I don't know, I feel as if I just...I feel like my friends arent my friends anymore. Jess barely ever talks to me, and Tisha seems only to talk to me when she has a question. They don't tell me anything anymore, and I think Tisha will be hanging with Jess on our birthday.

What bugs me is the fact that I had asked Tisha about 2 months or so ago about hanging with me, but that was when she and Jess were still fighting, everythings changed since they reunited. And Jessica, I doubt she'll care enough to even come down. And Jess will be busy with her boyfriend, and his dumbass friends who I cant stand anymore...I'll just have Jeff; which is no big deal, all I really want is to spend a nice day with my loving boyfriend, just me and him. I dont care what we do, as long as I do it with him.

I think we're going to dinner at the Mandrine and he said something about building a bear together, as long as he gets to name it. He said the name would be 'Vj', which, in all honesty, just sounds right :)

But whatever we do, I'll be happy. He seems concerned he only has 150 bucks, but i dont care, moneys not an issue. I even told him, we could go take Snoop for a walk and I'd be happy.

I'll update after my birthday :)
Nessie <3

New song...and my weekend :)

So, I've started a new song, or poem, or whatever you wanna declare it. I started this one because I just feel as if I'm never informed of anyting with my friends anymore, and that we just aren't close. I feel as if since Jess and Tisha have become BFF's again, I'm left alone in the dark.

Everyday I feel us drifting farter and farther away
I try to hold on to you and pretend that its ok
my attempts are ruthless, I know its no good
we just arent meant to be together

I think back on all the good times we had
and how we made through the good and the bad
but no matter what happens, i always cry
I feel as if this is our final goodbye

I thought we'd be friends forever
that the love we had would never end
but forever is impossible if there is no end
I guess I should let you go

You never say anything anymore
I'm left alone in the dark
you were the moon that shone when the night turned black
And I feel as if theres no way back

So that's what I have so far, its sorta depressing lol. Anyways, onto the good stuff!

My time wit Jeff was actually really well. We had a very impowering Heart-to-Heart conversation Wednesday Morning when I got there, because of some things that had happened and I was upset about. I think he's really going to try something this time, I think he's willing to do it for me. I dont wanna hope to hard and get my hopes up, but I am trying to be optimistic.

Anywho, the rest of it was great... this may be VERY personal but I onestly can't even count how many times we had sex in the 5 days I was there...not to mention last Saturday and Sunday when my sister dropped me off....but anyways, thats not for this blog...lol

Saturday was a really good day. We had an early start, having to get up at 10am and such, but we made it to his Aunts house by 12:30. I helped decorate and set up, count and cut numbers for the raffle draw...and met like a shit load of his family. And he has a BIG family. But it seemed as if they liked me, in which I am very happy about. I even met his biological mother, who seems like a very kind woman.

Anywho, his family are big partiers, but in a very good and fun way. It went to a GREAT cause, his mothers wedding lol, so people spending money was no big deal. I only had 2 drinks, and I was sober, but hey, I enjoyed myself.

There was one moment, however, that kinda upset me, but it was only a slight moment and everything was fine again. I wasn't mad, so I didn't lie to Jeff, it bothered me, but he kinda did have a point...

Anywho, thats all I have for today, I had fun, met some great people, and cant ait for him Moms wedding :)

Till later,
Nessie

Update...

Here's an update on the song I posted in a previous Post! It's still not finshed but heres what I got (and i would like to remind you, copyright belong to me!)

Look into my eyes
and tell me can you see
the light that shines so brightly
anf the feelins i have for you

reach into my soul
and feel my heart beating
tell me can you feel
the love i have for you

This is all new to me
but baby i want you to know
and baby i want you to see
that its all becuse of you

my heart screams your name
whenever we're apart
your always on my mind
so please don't leave me behind

your the one i choose to love
the one my heart decided on
the one the great man above
has put into my arms

So, like I said theres still work to be done, and a chorus to be added and everything, but im working on it :)

spreading the love,
Nessie <3

a lil bit of ranting...

I thought a blog post was long needed here, considering most of my posts go to my private blog on wordpress.com. So, I thought, since no one knows about this one, it's safe to rant!

Theres a few things I wish to rant about, but first off is Last Friday my friends had an intervention with me about how my realtionship with Jeff was going. Now, I love my friends, I really do, but honestly, it's my life. Sure, I'm happy they are concerned and all about me, but they have got to let me live my life my own way. I understand that they want to make sure everything is going alright, and that they want to make sure I'm being smart and responsible and BLAH BLAH BLAH, but honestly it is none of their business. If they want to share with me things about their relationship, fine, go ahead; but dont put your noses in my business. It kinda just pisses me off.

Of course I didnt tell them that, I listened to what they had to say and nodded or whatever, but I honestly forget half of what they even said. All I can recall is the fact that they think I'm moving too fast with him, that they don't think I've given enough thought to the chance of pregnancy, that they think I'm too wound up on the thought that we could be together forever, and that i used to be the responsible one but that they think ive trown my beliefs and morals away.

Well, whatever...I am smarter than they think. I'm not an idiot and I know what I'm doing. I know the concequences and will deal with them if anything happens. And yes, I do have a high belief that Jeff and I could be togteher forever...but thats because i KNOW what its like to be with him, and they dont. They may have seen glimpses of us together, and they've made assumptions off of that, but they don't know, and therefore can't comment on it.

Anywho, on to the next thing I have to ran about...

Some stupid fucking idiot is really pissing me off on Facebook. A guy i went to school with and is all buddy buddy with jess now because of richard is making fucking comments about me. Well, kinda...he commented on Jess status and said something like 'ok vanessa' or something like that. Now, it was on a day where she had updated her status more often than normal. Now, at first when i read it, it bothered me because obviously i knew it was about me but I didnt know what. Eventually, though, with the help of a few other posts I figured out that the reason he said that is that I update my facebook constantly and I guess he finds it annoying or whatever.

Well fuck him! if he doesn't like it, why doesn't he delete me? It wouldn't be a loss to me or anything, Its not like I even talk to him. It just pisses me off that he had to write on her wall 'oh hey there vanessa' and it just really fucking pissed me off. Honestly, grow the fuck up!

Anywho... on to my last rant

Jess! I swear if she reads something on my twitter, she updates her FB status to something...and I just KNOW its about my twitter..its not hard to put two and two together. I swear, she should just learn to keep her mouth shut sometimes! Like I'm not an idiot, clearly, and I can figure things out pretty easily. I'm fairly smart, and I hate my intelligence being underminded. I figured it out at first from the other day I was creeping some bitches FB that I knew and hate and found out that she had a baby at the age of 20, so i updated my twitter saying "why am i not suprised shed have a baby at 20. i know its not that young but still" and jess put her FB status, not 5 min after i posted that "that makes me want to laugh and be pissed off all at the same time" my theory...our talk about me being able to handle a baby if i was pregant and then me saying this...so that pissed me off.

Now today, i put up some pictures and commented about how much i love jeff and said "your everything ive ever wanted, and all ill never need" or something along those lines, and she puts on her FB "oh mannn...i just wanna....ughhhhhh" and it easily matches up because they also talked to me about how it seems as if jeff is my everything, and about being together forever, etc etc...so i can easily see how me saying that would frustrate her because im not listening to what they said to me.

well, fuck you then. Honestly, im starting not to care anymore. I love them, sure, but if theyre gonna be like that, then I dont need them. they arent friends if they act like that.

Anywho! rant over, cant think of anything else to say. Check back later for new info!

Feeling Left Out

I am really starting to hate the fact that Tisha and Jess are now all 'buddy buddy' again. I feel as if Tisha never talks to me anymore, and that Jess just doesn't care about me anymore. I don't know what to do anymore, and I honestly just don't give a fuck. It pisses me off that it everything has had to go this way, but to be honest, with the way things are going, I wish they hadn;t changed, I wish that Tisha and Jess were still fighting...then 'd still feel as if Tisha was my best friend and not falling back into Jess's clutches.

I kinda feel bad saying it, but it's true. Seeing all this, things about Jess inviting Tisha to Rev and the beach and seeming to forget about me, it hurts. It's like Jess and I aren't even friends anymore. We never speak, we don;t hang out anymore, and it seems as if she just doesn't care.

I know Tisha still likes me, I know we are still friends, but I honestly can't help but feel as if we're gonna start drifting apart, falling away from each other...and that she's gonna fall into Jess's clutches again and get hurt. I've never hurt Tisha, I've never caused her pain... and I'm worried Jess is only going to hurt her.

I just don't get why I wasn't invitied... Jess sent out a massive invite to a shit load of people for Rev...but I wasn't included. She invitied Tisha to the Beach, but never thought to ask me. I wouldn't have been able to go, I'm working, but it's not as if she knew that. I hadn't told anyone besides Jeff and my parents which days I was working... I just don't understand why. Aren't we still supposed to be friends? I just don't get why she doesn't seem to care, and why it seems as if we definatly aren't friends anymore.

I'm not going to bother asking her anymore, i'm not gonna bother saying anything to her... because the answers always the same, and I'm tired of hearing it.

Callista!

So! exciting news! Kaleb Nation had a BlogTv last night and he announced a tiny bit of details of the book he is curently working on! The book is yet to have publication rights, so nothing official as of yet, but the book sounds absolutly amazing! I am highly excited for it! Also, he posted a chapter one sneak peek of The Specter Key! and it is EPIC! I am so excited for the sequel to Bran Hambric! Oct 10 2010!! can't wait!

In other news, the air show was today, and I got totally burnt! It hurts so much right now, and its an ugly burn so when it fades, its gonna be a farmer tan :( it really sucks! I plan onw earing a tang top tomorrow, or maybe a tube top...something to hopefully even out this ugly burn so that it doesnt look so choppy! That way I can have a sexy tan for my sexy Jeffie! lol

My ear is highly bugging me as well... on Wednesday it plugged some how, and for some reason, I'm not sure exactly why or anything... but its still plugged and it rings and echos and makes it hard to hear sometimes! I have a doctors appointment on Monday so I'm going to ask about it then...

I've been feeling a little down tonight though, and I think it's because I haven't really been able to talk to Jeff because he's at a buddies...since after work...and as far as I know he's still there. I haven't recieved a message saying hes home or anything so Im just guessing. And he's probably drinking, in fact I can guarentee it because it's a bar party or whatever, but thats not whats bothering me tonight, I could care less because he has nothing tomorrow...well hes supposed to go to his moms but its not a mandetory thing or whatever, so its not bothersom...whats bothering me tonight is the fact that i havent been able to talk to him. Sure Ive sent a few texts but we haven't had an actual conversation, no joking around, and it's kinda upsetting.

Of course, I want him to have a fun time, but we've been apart for so long that...well...I miss him, and I only wish I could talk to him. I feel selfish. I guess thats what love does to you lol.

I'd like to share something I've written tonight though, It's a song, kinda, no where near finished, but here's what I have so far... I would like to note that copyright belongs to me!

Look into my eyes
And tell me Can you see
The light that shines so brightly
And the feelings I have for you

Reach into my soul
And feel my heart beat
Tell me can you see
Thne Love I have for you

This is all New to me
But baby I need you to know
And baby I want you to see
That this is all because of you

Thats all I have right now, I wanna keep working on it though :)

Well, that's all for now!
Chat with y'all later!
Nessie <3

This is Me

I find it easier to do an about me post rather then in the little space they give you. So if youre wondering who I am, well, This is Me.

My name is Vanessa Phillips, I am almsot 20 years old, I go to Conestoga College, I have 3 sibilings, 3 pets, 2 parents and a wonderful boyfriend.

I am 5'4 inches, i have VERY curly brown hair, I have a slim figure that comes naturally, with fair skin.

In a nutshell, I am a typical girl.

I have some really amaizng friends. My best friend is Tisha, I've known her for about 4/5 years, and when we first started off as friends I wasn't sure I would actually become as close as I am with her. Tisha is a crazy, but fun, person who can never fail to make me smile. She's always there for me when I need her, and she's always looking out for me, even when it's not needed :)

Jessica is another really good friend of mine. At one point I def woulda considered her my best friend, and I still do in a way, but she also lives about 2 hours away and I never see her much anymore, and I never talk to her either. So although she's still considered my best friend, she's also a really good friend.

Melody is this aweosme girl I met in school this year. She's funny, exciting and so much fun to hang around with! She quickly became a very good friend of mine over this last semester and I miss the fact that I don't see her as often because school is out!

Jess is someone who once was a best friend, but due to certain situations, we are no longer as close as we once were. I still love her, and want her to know I'm always there for her, but I don't know if we'll ever be as good of friends as we once were. It's the sad but honest truth :(

I have many other friends as well, but these I would have to say are my very top 5 friends; there's only 4 you may say? Well that's because I haven't mentioned my number 1, the one person I can tell anything to, and has seen me in all my glory. My boyfriend jeff.

Jeff and I met through Jess last summer, and we sorta became friends. Whenever we went to the mall, if one of us wanted Subway, typically we all went up and he would alk to us in line and such. He was nice, and cute, and hey, he gave us free food lol. He had liked Jess, but he had also liked me.

He made more of an effort on trying to get me than he had Jess, especially after Jess got a boyfriend. He definatly had wanted me then. It sounds bad, but it really isn't. He honestly liked me, and after months of purseruing, I started to like him...back in Decemeber was when I realized I did, but I had tried to hide it because he was older and I thought it would be weird.

Eventually, in Janurary, things changed. I realzied I did like him, and Jeff had never gave up on trying to get me to go on a date with him. I finally agreed, we wne tout, had fun, made another date...and that Saturday, Feburary 6th 2010, we started dating. We've been happily dating for 4 and a half months, and I love him to pieces <3

I supposed that's me then! These people in my life are very important to me, and even though so are new friends, some old friends, some lesser friends then they once were, I still care about them all very much.

If any of you ever find this blog and read this, I hope you know how much you mean to me!

Until next time,
Nessie