Songs/poems!

So this post is simply a place for me to put the things I have written recently, kinda a place to have all of them together.

This first one came to me while lyng in bed with Jeff:
I couldn't sleep that night
I couldn't close my eyes
I couldn't drfit away uinto that world
Where dreams are made

So I asked him, 'what did you do?'
And he said, 'I just looked at you'

Pretty much what it's about is a guy who couldn't sleep one night so he spent his time lookng at the girl he loved...at least, thats the chorus...which isn't even done cuz somethings gotta go between "Where dreams are made" and "So I asked him"

This next one I've posts already, but I'm gonna add it again.
I'm letting go
Moving on
trying to forget what we had

Dry the tears
force a smile
Live my life my way

I've changed it a bit from what I had before, but basically this is about letting go of a friend (or boyfriend, or whatever) that you really cared for and pretending everythings alright.

This one is just a fun little thing about how people judge you:
You don't like the way I dress
You alkways think my hairs a mess
Nothing I do can please you

You think all my friends are freaks
And the music I like lacks the beat
But tell me, did you know
That I aint me for you

Pretty much, its just saying that you are who you are and that you shouldn't listen to what other people think. You aren't you to please them.

This little poem I wrote when I was feeling a little down...
I sit here alone and wonder if
I'm really the one for you
We are such different people
complete opposites
How can we ever be one

I love you and want whats best for you
But how can I be sure thats me
With the you you are
And who I am
Can we ever know for sure

My hearts says yes but my mind says no
Which one do I believe?

It's just me wondering if wat I had was true, but i realized that it doesn't matter how different you are, it's the love you share and how you handle it, that truely matters and theres never any doubt in my mind that we belong together :)

This one I wrote about this time last year, it's another poem:
Sitting here all alone, thinking of it all
I feel like I'm falling apart
I can't explain why I feel this way

I feel like I'm falling and theres no one here to catch me
I feel like I'm all alone
I feel all the complications and its making me hurt
I feel like I'll never get it done

I'm sitting her cyring, stressing of it all
thinking of everything that needs to be done
Its not making it any easier

Where are you when I need you most?
Where are you when I cry?
I need someone to hold me tight

Please come find me

I wrote this during a very stressful time when I needed to get a lot of things done but worried I wouldn't be able to. I was able to and everything worked out :)

I'm not sure if I've posted this before on another post or not, so I'm gonna post it here:
The tears stream down my face
As I think of you
I dont think you even know
What you do to me

The love I have is so strong for you
I lose control of everything
But you dont seem to notice
The pain im living in

This was written when I was upset about something, but, again, everything turned out good!

Well Alrighty, I think that's it,
Till Later,
Nessie

Offically over :D

That's right, Jess and I are offically OVER! She's deleted me off Facebook and stopped following me on twitter too! How do I feel about this? I am perfectly OK with this, in fact I'm kinda hapy about it. She is now gonna be given the name Jeff gave her a long time ago...'bitchface'. And since her 'oh so wonderful boyfriend who is soooo good to her' always has to defend her battles as well, he can have Jeffs nickname for him too, 'fuckface'. The only part that sucks about all this is the fact that I can't even tell Jeff because he has no time on his phone at the moment...but he will find out as soon as he gets time and texts me!

How did this come to be you may wonder? Well, it all started with a few posts on twitter, which soon came to fuckface saying that "the studpidity of some poeple makes me weep for this generation. Especially from people who think thye are so much holier than everyone else and yet can't stop coming off with the stupidest things constantly. You're all quiet dumb." Well, personally, I think this was directed at me.

And then, I make one comment, one simple little comment on my twitter, "That would be stupid and pathetic." And of course bitchface has to go and fucking post on her facebook (i can't give a direct quote because she has deleted me) something about how 'some poeple' (aka me) needs to stop hiding on the internet and constantly posting what their thinking on twitter....OBVIOUSLY she meant me because I had JUST made a post a few minutes before. So I posted back "loves posting what I want on twitter. if you dont like it, unfollow me. Its my twitter i can post what I want when I want where I want! because not everything i post is about you, stop assuming things YOU dont understand." And she came back with. "thats supper, just proving how pathetic and cowardly you are :) end of conversation. end of you. Bye Bye" So I went back "think what you want I dont give a shit anymore...bye!"

So yeah, we're done and I really don't care. If I dont see her again, it'd be too soon. I know I'll be seeing her around the school and probably runing into her with Tisha, but I've got other friends at school, friends in MY classes that i made last year who i always hang with, so it doesnt bother me. I could really not give a shit! Perhaps its finally time to make this blog public since I know she wont be seeing it anymore! haha now I dont feel bad about any of the previous posts!

Until later my peeps!
A very happy Nessie!

BIRTHDAY!!!

So, like I promised, here is my post about my birthday!

I arrived at Jeffs at 11 o'clock and his friend Justin let me in because Jeff was asleep on the couch. I went into his room and read and listened to my iPod while the two of them slept, and then at 1 I went to wake Jeff up. He didn't wanna get up, rather he pulled me down onto the couch and we cuddled...for about an hour or so. It was nice just to lay there beside him, in his arms after we'd been away from each other for so long. He ended up being late for work, but I really didn't care like I normally would. I liked just being in his arms.

That night he got home from work and we just kinda hung out and watched movies with his buddy Justin (who was staying with him for a few days). We went to bed at about 4am or so. The next day, we slept till about 2pm, and then we just lay there, cuddling and relaxing in each others arms for about 2 hours. It was one of te best moments ever. It was so nice just to be there with him, cuddled in his arms, feeling safe, secure and loved. At 4pm, we got up, got dressed and headed off to dinner.

We went to the Mandrine for dinner, and I had 3 plates of food, 1 plate of fruit and a plate of dessert. Jeff had about 3 or 4 plates of food, 2 bowls of soup, plate of fruit...and he tried Sushi. Highlight of dinner was him and sushi. He wanted to do something really memorable for my birthday and it will honestly be something I won't forget.

After dinner we went to the mall and to build a bear and we build a bear together...the most AMAZING bear ever...VJ Potter! It's a black teddy wearing a wizards outfit, Harry Potter glasses, and a heart on his chest that says 'I Love You'. VJ is my most favourite bear, I hug him at night when I miss Jeff.

Afterwards, we went to the LCBO and got some Vodka and bought some juice...I wanted to get drunk...and of course Jeff wanted me to lol. Unfortenatly, I've come to the conclusion that I can't drink anymore. One drink and I felt sick...of course Jeff and Justin made me take a shot as well...but I honestly just couldn;t drink. I felt kinda bad, but what can you do.

Overall, I must say it was one of the most amazing birthdays I ever had. I loved spending the day with the man I loved, Just me and him, out to dinner, building a bear together, and drinking. I loved it, I love him! Thank you Jeff for making it so special <3

Until later,
Nessie

Done

So, I've finally, after many thoughts, have come to the conclusions that Jess and I are pretty much done as friends. Too much has happened between us, too much has been said, and too much tension and strain in our relationship to make things work. Am I bothered by it? Do I feel heartbroken? Not really, to be honest. I think we both saw it coming for a while now, it was just a matter of who was going to state it first.

Things changed between us. She says I've changed; personally I don't see it. I think she's changed...she just isn't the same person I became best friends with. She's too worried about her looks, shes turned into a little party girl, she's not as fun anymore to be around... I just can't really stand to be around her. It sounds bad, but half the time her FB status's annoy me, things she says, things she does...I can't help it.

I have to admit, jeff is happy though, that I've decided to be done of her. He doesn't like her, and that was one of the main issues. I felt as if anything I said or did concerning Jeff, anytime I'd mention him or something, that she'd get annoyed or frustrated. A guy shouldn't come between friends, but if you let it, things like this happen. I'm not gonna be forced to choose between the two of them, and I think that's kinda what she was asking me to do, without actually using the words. It's like she expected me to say 'sorry babe but my friend doesnt like you so this isnt gonna work' pretty much like she wanted me to either dump him or just forget about him, just so she'd be happy.

I've never been happier with Jeff, he makes me feel safe, loved and, overall, special. If I wasnt with him, I'd be another lonely girl pretending to be happy. I felt as if she was asking me to give up my happiness to make her hapy. Whether or not this was her intentions, I dont know, but thats just how I felt and I wasnt going to do that.

I am hoping that someday, we can work things out and be what we used to be, but I have a feeling it may never come to be. Does this disappoint me? Only a little. Who knows what will happen in a few years. Maybe Jeff and I will break up and that will bring Jess and I together...maybe she and Richard will break up and she may turn to me and Tisha for comfort...anything can happen. But for now, I'll just have to wait and see.

Until then, here's something I've been working on:

I'm letting go
Moving on
trying to forget everything there was between us

Dry the tears
Force a smile
live my life the way its meant to be

Thats it for now,
Nessie <3

Alone

Have you ever felt so alone because people who you thought were your friends only talk to you when they have a question, and the one person you want to be with is miles away? Do you know how it feels to sit there and cry because all you want is a big comforting hug? I was feeling like this last night...

All I wanted was Jeff, all I needed was a hug from Jeff. I couldn't stop thinking about him, but his phone was charging and I couldn't talk to him, and all I wanted was to be with him. I cried quiet a bit because it got me thinking of other things, things that upset me, things that I hoped, and things I was worried for. This isn't ordinary love I have for him, the way I feel when we're apart, the way I am around him, and the way I can't stand the thought of losing him... this isn't just love, this is soul mates. I swear we were meant to be together.

I can't get into details, exactly, as to why I feel this, I'm on the wrong blog for that, but just because of things hes said, and wants to promise me...I know the impact I've made in his life, and the impact he's made in mine. I know we're meant for each other. Which is why I miss him dearly :(

I don't know, I feel as if I just...I feel like my friends arent my friends anymore. Jess barely ever talks to me, and Tisha seems only to talk to me when she has a question. They don't tell me anything anymore, and I think Tisha will be hanging with Jess on our birthday.

What bugs me is the fact that I had asked Tisha about 2 months or so ago about hanging with me, but that was when she and Jess were still fighting, everythings changed since they reunited. And Jessica, I doubt she'll care enough to even come down. And Jess will be busy with her boyfriend, and his dumbass friends who I cant stand anymore...I'll just have Jeff; which is no big deal, all I really want is to spend a nice day with my loving boyfriend, just me and him. I dont care what we do, as long as I do it with him.

I think we're going to dinner at the Mandrine and he said something about building a bear together, as long as he gets to name it. He said the name would be 'Vj', which, in all honesty, just sounds right :)

But whatever we do, I'll be happy. He seems concerned he only has 150 bucks, but i dont care, moneys not an issue. I even told him, we could go take Snoop for a walk and I'd be happy.

I'll update after my birthday :)
Nessie <3

New song...and my weekend :)

So, I've started a new song, or poem, or whatever you wanna declare it. I started this one because I just feel as if I'm never informed of anyting with my friends anymore, and that we just aren't close. I feel as if since Jess and Tisha have become BFF's again, I'm left alone in the dark.

Everyday I feel us drifting farter and farther away
I try to hold on to you and pretend that its ok
my attempts are ruthless, I know its no good
we just arent meant to be together

I think back on all the good times we had
and how we made through the good and the bad
but no matter what happens, i always cry
I feel as if this is our final goodbye

I thought we'd be friends forever
that the love we had would never end
but forever is impossible if there is no end
I guess I should let you go

You never say anything anymore
I'm left alone in the dark
you were the moon that shone when the night turned black
And I feel as if theres no way back

So that's what I have so far, its sorta depressing lol. Anyways, onto the good stuff!

My time wit Jeff was actually really well. We had a very impowering Heart-to-Heart conversation Wednesday Morning when I got there, because of some things that had happened and I was upset about. I think he's really going to try something this time, I think he's willing to do it for me. I dont wanna hope to hard and get my hopes up, but I am trying to be optimistic.

Anywho, the rest of it was great... this may be VERY personal but I onestly can't even count how many times we had sex in the 5 days I was there...not to mention last Saturday and Sunday when my sister dropped me off....but anyways, thats not for this blog...lol

Saturday was a really good day. We had an early start, having to get up at 10am and such, but we made it to his Aunts house by 12:30. I helped decorate and set up, count and cut numbers for the raffle draw...and met like a shit load of his family. And he has a BIG family. But it seemed as if they liked me, in which I am very happy about. I even met his biological mother, who seems like a very kind woman.

Anywho, his family are big partiers, but in a very good and fun way. It went to a GREAT cause, his mothers wedding lol, so people spending money was no big deal. I only had 2 drinks, and I was sober, but hey, I enjoyed myself.

There was one moment, however, that kinda upset me, but it was only a slight moment and everything was fine again. I wasn't mad, so I didn't lie to Jeff, it bothered me, but he kinda did have a point...

Anywho, thats all I have for today, I had fun, met some great people, and cant ait for him Moms wedding :)

Till later,
Nessie