A few weeks ago I wrote something, a simple paragraph to a poem. I wrote this one night Jeff and I were having problems, a night where he was actually sitting right there as I grabbed my laptop and wrote it down. He asked me about it, asked me what I was writing. At first I didn't want to tell him, but then I decided I wanted him to know. I wanted him to hear what I had to say, and how I like to say it.
The tears are falling down my face
Like petals off a dying rose
What can I do to stop this pain
Thats in my head down to my toes
When I read this to Jeff, I impressed him. He said it sounded like something from an actual song, something that if finished I could send to some song writer people and make a living off of. I then decided to read him some of my other stuff. Some he thought was good, some could use some work, but he was impressed with what I had done because he never knew I did it.
Going back to what I wrote, this happened on a very bad night for the both of us. He was going through a very depressing night and I was going off a guilty night for assuming and being wrong about what was going to happen that night. Anyone reading this may ask themselves 'why are you with someone who makes you feel this way?' The fact is, this wasn't about him, it was about both of us. The emotions we were both feeling that night, what we were both expressing, was so strong... it was overwhelming.
Jeff and I have our issues, yes, but we both love each other more than anyone could imagine. About two weeks ago, we had a huge fight...over textmessage. The fact that it was via text actually made it worse because I don't hold back anything. In person, I'm afraid to say certain things, so when I'm not infront of someone, and fighting over anything involving text, it makes things all the worse.
Jeff and I almost broke up that night. It was an extreamly bad night, but what got us through it was the love we have for the other. A fight isnt worth ending our relationship over...espically not a fight like the one we had. That night, in the matter of 3 hours, we fought, talked, and worked it out. There was no break, there was no words exchanged enough to tell the other one to think things over and decide where we stand because we know where the other one stands. We both know we love each other enough to work through some petty fight. Right after we fought, we talked, and we were able to work everything out. I am so glad I have someone who will communicate with me enough to work things out rather than leave them in threads.
Beside's, the fact was the fight was my fault. I started it. I was the one making a big deal out of something that wasn't worth it. It's always my fault. I start it all. My new years resolution is to control that and fix it...and i am trying my damndest to do it. So far I'm doing an alright job, kets just hope it continues.
Jeff and I aren't just a fling, we don't JUST love each other...we are IN LOVE with each other...and there is a BIG difference between loving someone and being IN love with someone. Loving someone is when you care for them and have feelings for them...but those feelings aren;t as strong. Those feelings are those of a friend, or family..and you can never actually see yourself having a future that involves kinds with them. Jeff and I are NOT like that. Jeff and I both know that the love we share is special, it is one rarely found. It is the love of two people who want to spend the rest of their lives together, the love of two people who want to have kids together, grow old together, and die together. Jeff and I are IN love.
I love him so fucking much! I can't even imagine a day without him. My heart would shatter if he were to leave my life. I would be nothing without him.
Confessing her love,
Nessie <3
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