So yesterday I went over to my babe's house because he was sick and when my baby is sick I feel bad, and sad, and I just wanna be with him and make him feel better. So, I finished at 2 and hopped on the bus and went straight over to him! We orderd pizza when I got there because we were both hungry (he has a head cold, not anything stomachy that makes him wanna puke). Afterwards we fell asleep..for 4 hours! It was insane, I mean I knew I was tired, but I didnt realize how tired I actually was. SO anyways, I woke up at 8:30 and just lay with him, thinking about him and how much I lvoed him, thinking of everything we had been through, and everything we will go through still. Our 1 year is coming up very quickly so I've been thinking about the two of us so much lately, and how much I cant wait to move in with him (only 3 more months!!).
So anyways, he woke up and, at the time, I was sitting on the couch cuz I had checked something on my phone really quickly. He asked me what I was doing, I said checking something, and went to lay back with him. He said I didnt have to, but I mean, cmon, I WANTED to. I love cuddling him! It's prob my second fave thing to do with him (the first is personal :P lol).
So we put on something to watch and we lay there. He suddenly remebered the movie we were watching the other day and asked how it ended cuz he had fallen asleep, I told him how "Veronica mars" (as he knows her, and honestly I dunno her real name, nor do I really care lol) pretty much saved the day, or blah blah blah whatever lol, and he said "But she didnt get naked" and I said "she never will" and he goes "I know, and that sucks." Now, for some reason and I cant exactly explain why, but it made me feel jealous. I know Veronica Mars is one of his favourite female actresses, one that I know he thinks is hot and that he would love to see naked (or even her boobs lol), and it had never bothered me before. But last night it did. So I got stubborn, and upset, and got up off the matress (which we have on the living room floor cuz its soooo comfy to watch movies and cuddle, and you cant do that on a couch if u wanna lay together) and sat on the couch.
Jeff thought I was kidding around at first, so he left me to "sulk" for a minute and then called me back over to him. But he said the sweetest thing, "I want Nessie. I only want Nessie. Nessie is beautiful, and I love her, and I'm going to marry her." and I have to say, it made me smile. He says it all the time, but it still never fails to make me smile. So I got up and lay with him again, all cuddly and lovey again lol.
But as we lay there, I was looking at him and he said, "I had the saddest thought." I asked him, "what?". He said, "Even though it's not gonna happen, if we were to ever break up, you would be so heart broken and depressed, and you have like no friends to talk to. Not thats it's ever gonna happen. But what would you do?" "Sit in my room for days and cry," I answered, because its true, i WOULD be heartbroke, I would be DEVESTATED! I dont think I could live. "I'd die," he said, and I believe it as well. Jeff and I, we are so in love with each other that the mere thought of even that upset us both. So I leaned in and kissed him and whispered, "its never gonna happen."
And it's not...but if it did, and it's true I dont have many friends I could talk to about it...but its not friends I would want to talk to. There are only 2 people I could ever talk to about, 2 people in this entire world I would want to share it with, to help me through it...and that is my sister and my mother. It has always been that way, they have been the 2 woman in my life to EVER stick up for me, to EVER help me through hard time. NO ONE has ever done anything like that for me, and NO ONE has ever been there for me when I needed them, except them. My mother and my sister are all I need to survive if Jeff were to leave my life.
But, as mentioned before, it's never gonna happen. Jeff and I love each other, we're going to get married..hell...we're practically engaged already! Yes, I said it, and its true. Just because there is no ring on my finger doesnt mean Jeff and I havent already talked about our wedding, or our house. His mom has called me family, his brother already thinks of me as a sister...lets face it, I am a Karkheck. Vanessa Karkheck. I like the way it sounds :)
And thats what I mean by the title of this blog... he makes me wanna marry his yesterday, meaning it feels as if were already married, or going to get married, or whatever. I know this is gonna last. 3 months and I will be living with him...9 months and im considered his wife. Common Law marriage people, 6 months is all it takes of living together. Of course, Jeff and I dont actually think of it that way, I'm moving in so we can take our relationship further, and make it easier for me to get a job and such, that is until I get my G2 and I can drive my car around...but in reality its true.
I just wanted to share what a wonderful man I have. Some people may not think so, some may think hes an asshole, or a player, or a liar, or that I'm delusional. Those people dont know me, and dont know us. Those people would be wrong and can go to hell!
Till later,
Nessie <3
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