Free

So I wrote a new part of a song today. I know, I write a lot of parts but never a full song. It's because the parts come to mind and thats all that matters. Anywho, this one I labelled free. I know the lyrics may say something that you may interpurt wrong, but let me assure you, theres more than what meets the eye to this song.

Why do these tears fall down my face
Feelng as if my lifes in a brace
all I want is to feel your embrase
around me

I love you, my heart screams your name
but I cant help but feel the blame
for everything thats happened and soon to be
Sometimes I want to feel free

So I'm feeling very upset right now, for reasons I'm not going to explain because its no ones buisness, but Ive been emotionally messed up these past days. Yesterday I was feeling lonely and sad and pretty much depressed or something, and all I wanted was Jeffs arms around me. All I wanted to feel was his love for me. I needed it. I've also been touchy too, like he can say something as a joke but I take it seriosuly...I dont know whats wrong with me. Maybe I'm sex deprived. That could be it... I mean I've been, as Jeff calls it, "Broken" for the past week, and last week was a little off for us too...maybe all I need is to get layed. I need to feel emotionally loved, as well as physical...I need to feel SOMETHING! I mean I feel loved, of course I do, but...I dunno I just need to really FEEL it!

I said to Jeff the other day that I've been feeling unattrcatove lately because sometimes he's in a mood where he doesnt wanna be touched, or I'll accidentally tickle him when I touch him so he'll pull away cuz he HATES to be tickled, and as much as it was an accident it still bothers him, and I mean I can understand that, but it felt as if it was happening a lot more the past week or 2 and no matter what I did to try to turn him on, he just wasn't...and it was making me feel bad. When I told him how I was feeling, how I felt like he didnt want me, he said "I always want you nessie" which, to be honest, didnt make me feel to much better.

I dunno, it just seems like his sexual drive is down, while mine is WAY up...sounds weird but true, and I am not sexually experienced so in all honesty I feel uncomfortable starting things unless he leads me too...so I dunno...

This post got way off topic though lol, not that i mind if anyone feels uncomfortable dont read it! But really, I'm feeling down lately and all I want is my baby with me. But hes not...seeing as I have a 9am class tomorrow and have to get up at 8 (7 if i was staying at his place), and some good news has come about in his family so hes out celebrating. He doesnt work tomorrow so its not too big a deal, I guess, but well....thats a hole nother story Im not getting into.

I guess Ill stick to my music for now.
Nessie <3