Infatutated?!?!

Ok so I am SOOOOOOOOOOOO fucking pissed off! Like, honestly, SOMEONE is ENTIERLY out of line....now, i sya someone, but obviously I'm gonna post the picture WHY I'm pissed off...so it doesn't really matter if I mention her name or not...

TISHA! like honestly, who the fuck does she think she is?! Honestly, is she TRYING to fuck up my friendship with her as well? Because she is doing a fucking good job about it. However, I don't wanna say anything to her until she says something to me. Jeff advised me that it would be stupid to say something when I'm pissed because it may lead to losing another friend and he's right. So I'll just write a blog to vent because thats what I always do, because talking just isnt enough to get EVERYTHING i wanna say down. And if she sees this because someone is still crreping my blog like a loser she is, then hey, she sees it, her fault, i dont give a shit..

ANYWAYS, heres a little definiton of "infactuation":
- a foolish and usually extravagant passion or love or admiaration
- puppy love: temp love of adolescents
- an object of extravagant short-lived passion
- an unreasoning love or attraction
- to inspire with unreasoning love or attachment

NOW does that REALLY sound like Jeff and I?! NO! FUCK NO! she has no idea what happens between Jeff and I, she has NO idea what Jeff and I are like...we do not have "unreasoned love or attachment" it is not "foolish and extravagant" and it is definatly NOT temporary!

It just pisses me off that she doesn't think I love him, and that he loves me! She has NO right to say ANYTHING about MY relationship without looking at HER OWN relationship first! There is a LOT I could say about her and her boyfriend...but i WONT because I consider her my best friend and friends DO NOT say shit about their friend's boyfriends...ok maybe I used to, but I havent in a VERY long time, and it's pretty immature of her to post something like that.

Did she think I wouldnt see?! Or did she want me to see?! and WHY would she say something like that? Like honestly, some friend she is, and to say it over twitter and not to my face like a TRUE friend would?! thats just PATHETIC! OBVIOUSLY I'm not a good enough friend to get the truth, obviously she doesnt think I'm worthy enough to be told the TRUTH!

UGH it just pisses me off SOOOOOOO fucking much!

So anyways...this is the picture..

If you cant see it, she says "Dont know how tou can mix that one up, I know how you mix up love with infactuation BUT everyone knows the E comes after the T! quITE, quIET"

And my thing says.... "Got another 3 curriculums done, and got 3 on both :) quiet proud of myself! midterm eval tomorrow!" As you can see, i made 2 mistakes...yes I spelt Quite wrong...but I ALWAYS make mistakes when I text because the keys are small and close togteher, an I have a habit of typing fast and not spell checking...the other error I made was that I said I got 3 curriculums done, and got 3 on both...I shoulda said I got 2 curriclums done and 3 on both...so the fucking E misplacesment WASNT that big of a FUCKING deal...she was juts trying to make an excuse to fucking BASH on me! FUCK! UGH!

I am NOT saying a word to her until she says something to me...she texted me the other week saying we "clearly" need to talk and fuckign CLEARLY we do if this is what she FUCKING thinks of me! UGH

a pissed off, but will be alright,
Nessie <3

*UPDATE!
Looking at my facebook, I had made the spelling error twice.... this one matched up with her post because they are both Oct 20....


Again, if you cant see my post... it says"

Got my interview done for partnership, and did my first curriculum, recieving a 3 on it :D quiet proud of myself...doing 2 more curriculums tomorrow"

this was posted on Oct 20th, and so was her Tweet...but thats besides te point! Like fucking REALLY?! it just fucking PISSES ME OFF!

Anywho..again, until later,
Nessie

To you...

If you read this, fuck you! I am tired of your shit! I knew you were still creeping my twitter, you were always bad for stalking people on facebook, so why wouldn't twitter be any different? theres a reason i blocked you in the fucking first place! Now ive set my status to private, and you cant find anything out because ive also blocked tisha because for some reason i think she was 'reporting' everything to you! well back off bitch, im done with you! There is no trace of you in my life anymore, ive thrown out your pictures, deleted and untagged any picture of you, no matter who else was in it, or how cute it was! Im done with your fucking shit, and i am SO fucking done with you. If there was ever the smallest chance of us being friends again, its gone. So why dont you go fuck yourself and have a good life with your boyfriend, i could care less about you anymore!

Updated songs...

This post isnt for new songs or whatever...its for the updates on my old ones!

Tell me, can you feel the trust I see in you
The trust thats never ending
The one I can count on
no matter how great the battle

I kiss your cheek, whisper I love you in the moonlight
then I turn my back and walk out that door
Knowing I cant come back no more

Its a series of complications these things we call relationships
theres always ups and theres always down
and were all too afraid to turn them all around

I think back on what we had, all the happy things we did
I dont know what happened, Ive placed my last bid
its hard to continue this way
Just stay here in the bed you lay

Its only 2, but hey, Im working on em!!

Nessie <3

Many Songs!!

Wow! So as I was looking for the small songs I had planned on adding here, I came across a lot more then I ever realized I wrote! Things hidden away in the middle of a notebook, I guess i hid it so I'd find it someday lol...ANYWHO heres what I found:

Thunder crashes, rain falls
it's the calm before the storm
tears are falling down my face
i can't take this anymore

The earth shakes, the air cracks
my heart is breaking at the thought
of not having you in my life
and the happiness you've brought

My hand in yours our hearts are one
baby don't ever leave
I love you, forgive me
for just being myself

I honestly can't remember what this song was even about.... but I actyally kinda like it :)

Here's a small one..

I know, you know, how I'm feeling
But you don't understand it at all

This one I wrote on April 29th 2010, the day I told Jeff I loved him...BUT i wrote this BEFORE i told him...

My heart spells out a simple four letter word for you
It's taken a while for me to finally realize this
I've kept you waiting lone enoigh, babe and I'm sorry to say
That I've been waiting for the perfect time to admit the bliss

My mind has reazlied that there is no time to wait
speak the words your heart wants to
open your mouth and let the words fly out
jump in, take the plung and say

I-Love-You, you know I do
I-Love-You, I've fallen it's true
I-Love-You, I can't help but say
My heart's decided to feel this way

I found this one in a book that I wrote some songs in, and really liked it...

Sometimes I know its bad
to be the one you see in the mirror
but if your not, life could be hell
i dont think you wanna go that way

So be yourself, its who you are
if you dont like you, nobody will
be yourself its worked so far
i know its a long step up that hill

This is an old one I wrote, I dont like the whole song, just a few lines I wrote of it, so thats all I'm gonna post

It feels like it's time for me to move on
Everytime I think of you it hurts inside
I don't know what I'm going to do
It feels like I'm all alone

This is another old one that I like the one line of:

The leaves drope down like the tears in my eyes
Nothing can be done to my heart inside

Another old one...

It just won't go away
I just can't make it stop
the pain just sits with me
And All I can do is cry

This is a few random lines that don't fit together, for a song i wrote called "My Breaking Heart"

It seems everyone I loved, never appreicated me
What do I do, how do I deal with this
how could anyone ever live like this

This song was called "Dreams", it's a silly song I wrote when I was like 15 I believe....but only a few lines I really like

Fly high into the sky
never stop flying
reach your dreams

Never stop trying, fly fly fly
fly to the sky

This is a few random lines...

I'm here alone
because of what you did to me
your not the one I thought I knew
Not the one I grew to love
I'm here alone with these tears
going down my face as I think of you

I'm not exactly sure what I wrote this one about...I think it MAY have been Jeff.... but I can't exactly be sure...

I'm sitting here in my room thinking of you
wondering if your thinking of me
i close my eyes and see your face
and I wonder if you can see, see me too

Nobody realzies the pain this is
not being able to see you
All i wanna do is hold you
Oh god, I miss you

Why did everyone have to go and mess everything up
everyone is always trying to tell me what to do

I'm sitting alone in my room thinking of you
wondering if you are thinking of me..too

This song I wrote, when I was abput 16 or 17, and feelign quiet alone...

Nobody knows I'm crying on the inside
Nobody knows, the tears that fall down my face
I fake a smile everyday, so nobody will know

Nobody knows how lonely I feel
Nobody knows how lonely you make me
All anybody sees is that I'm happy
they dont know the smile I fake everyday

My friends can make me laugh, but I feel like crying
When I am alone I cry my eyes out
I feel so alone

They don't know, oh no they dont
they dont know how sad I am
They dont know, oh no they dont
that I fake it everyday

And another one...I believe I wrot ethis about 2 years ago...

Its so hard to decide what to do
Should I stay or should I go, I dont know
So much lies on what I choose
But i dont know what to do

This last one is about making choices and thinking

Sometimes I need to clear my head
I need to sit in the silence and dark, alone
I need the time to think it through
So please just give me space

If I asked you to go away, would you do it
If I told you I couldn't do it anymore, what wo0ud you do
Can you ever understand how it feels to be in the dark
do you know what it feels like, to hear the silence

Well, that's all I have to share!.... I've edited actually worked on some more of the others but I think I'll add that in another post because this one is fairly long! Hope you enjoyed!

I would also liek to add... REMEMBER RUBY!

Nessie <3>

Excitement!

So, OMG! 8 months in less than 2 hours! Why does this excite me? for many reasons...

1. Jeff is my longest relationship...he has been for a while now, but honestly, I never actually thought I would ever see myself in a long realtionship before Jeff...I always thought I was destined for meaningless, loveless, pointless little relationships that never went anywhere and never lasted long... I thought guys didn't like me (and still...i feel that, although slowly im growing more confident thanks to my sexy, amazing and loving boyfriend!)

2. I'm in 3rd (tied i believe lol) for Jeffs longest relationship....this is a BIG step for him...espcially the loving me thing to begin with...personally, I like to think of myself as his 2nd longest relationship becase at least he has real feelings for me, he loves me... he only loved one other girl, his first girlfriend when he was like 18 or 19 or something....so in my opinion, of the relationships that really matter, I am 2nd best! ( well....he says i am THE best relationship hes ever been in, I make im feel so many things, its undescriable!!)

3. 8 months is close to a year...and a lot of people didnt think we would last long. People are stupid. If there was one singe thought that Jeff and i wouldn't last as long as we have, then I'm pissed at you! If youre a friend of mine, I'd hope for support and not assumptions about how long the relationship will be! I am so incerdiably happy with Jeff, and just know it will last!

Other things I'm excited for...

On the weekend, well Saturday, jeff and I kinda celebrated his birthday 2 weeks early. The fact is hes gonna start working saturdays again, starting this weekend, so we wont really have time to do it. Well, we were going to the mall anyways, so Jeff mentioned that while were at the mall, we might as well get his keys copied. WELL i was planning on surprising Jeff with copies of his keys as Tornot Maple Leaf keys...but since we were going, and he mentioned it, I figured I'd tell him... he loved the idea and of course we got it done.... and I GOT A SET OF HIS KEYS!!!!

It doesnt make a different really, i practiclly owned his keys anyways cuz hed leave them with me... but still, its good to have a set and see how much Jeff loves me, trusts me, and is 100% devoted to me.

The other thing we did for his birthday was make HIM a build a bear...of course its a Toronto Maple Leafs one... and he named it Beary Leafy lol, but he loves it, and was showing it (and the keys) off to everyoene. We ordered pizza rather than go out for dinner, but it was still awesome!

His last birthday gift I have for him is a photo album I've put together of us... its a surprise, and he wont get it till his birthday...and if possible i wanna give it to him in front of his family :) but we'll see what happens. I hope he likes it, I have a feeling he will..but who knows.

ANYWHO...I dont think I've got anything else to say...1 and a half hours till out 8 months :D

Till later,
A nessie full of love <3

Quotes!!

So, I was going over an old Facebook note that I have in which I wrote a lot of quotes that I've come up with or have been inspiered by... I wanted to share a few of my faves!

"Never give up on something that you really want, because if you do you may be missing out on something that could change your life forever. Persue it until you can't do it no more."

"When you focus on the negative, the negative tends to happen. Focus on the positive and things will be brighter."

"Love, it isn't soemthing we choose to feel, or something we can control. It's something to hold onto, something to believe in, and something to never forget. No matter how much it hurts."

"Do you ever stop to think about why things have turned out the way they have? Do you ever wanna go back and relive a moment that was so perfect and happy, that you never wanna let it go? Always remember and never forget."

"Throughout life, there are going to be many hurts, but there will also be joys. Love is something that can both hurt us and make us joyful. In my opinion, love will be the main cause of both these feelings. But just know, even if you are hurt by love, love can also heal you from that hurt, because there is always someone out there who loves you and wants you to be happy."

"Years of friendship have brought us to this moment, the moment when you realize that life wouldn't be as great if you weren't in it, and that everything that has happened in life, has happened so that we could lead up to this moment, there moment where I can say, I love you."

"Music, the beat of the heart"

These are some of my fave quotes i've come up with :)

Until later,
Nessie <3

Even more poems/songs!

So.... I've got more chours/verse song things or poems or WHATEVER you wanna call em! lol

This first one is very short and I plan on improving....

Tell me, can you feel the trust that I see in you

This next one sounds bad, but I plan on making it actually happy...somehow lol

I kiss your cheek, whsiper I love you in the moonlight
Then I turn my back and walk out that door
Knwoing I cant come back no more

It's a series of complications these things we call relationships
Theres always ups and theres always downs
And were too afraid to turn them all around

This one is about trust...

I'm taking the word
hoping its true
dont break my trust
or baby im through

This one is about endings

I dont know how things came to be this was
How we went from everythings ok to goodbye
I walk right past you as if you were never there for me
But I cant make this feeling go away

This is a cute one I thought of!

You picked me up when I was down
Lifted me up from the ground
I dunno what I would do
If I never found you

I wrote this one a long time ago:

I love the way you whisper sweet nothings in my ear, when im half asleep
And the way you hold me when were watching tv makes me tingle inside
Everything you do is perfect but Im afraid to say

Baby im falling fast like you knew i would
and baby im falling faster than i thought i could
I dont know what im gonna do
when you say i love you, should i say i love you too

I call this one, "One way":

I feel as if I'm on a two way road
and your on a one way street going the wrong way
I share what I feel always with you
But you dont return the favour

I feel like I need to add an explanation to this one... the two way road metephor is the fact that I'm on a two way road, im going one way and i want him to go the other way...however, the reality is that hes on the one way road going the wrong way because hes not doing whats meant to be done...does that make sense?! no?! ah well! lol

This next one is called truth...its kinda changed since i wrote this but anyways...

What do you do when you suspect its not true
when you dont know if you can coutn on thr truth
And lie build and build, and secrets are told
And thers no way out

How do you say you know, know its a lie
How can you tell him, wothout leading goodbye
what can i do to make everything alright
and hold on to his love all night

Thats all I have for now! I will try to contunue working on more!
Love you all
Nessie <3