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Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Sign
Thunder crashes, rain falls,
it's the calm before the storm,
tears are falling down my face,
i can't take this anymore.
The earth shakes, the air cracks,
my heart is breaking at the thought,
of not having you in my life,
and the happiness you've brought.
My feelins are so mixed
I don't know wat to do
please God send me a sign
Help me think it through
Things can be difficult
I don't know whats right
send me the help I need
I don't want to fight
My hand in yours our hearts are one,
baby don't ever leave, I love you,
please forgive me,
dont ever leave me be
My feelins are so mixed
I don't know wat to do
please God send me a sign
Help me think it through
Things can be difficult
I don't know whats right
send me the help I need
I don't want to fight
Feels like my hearts on fire,
like a big hot flame
or maybe wrapped in barb wire,
i cant forget your name
My feelins are so mixed
I don't know wat to do
please God send me a sign
Help me think it through
Things can be difficult
I don't know whats right
send me the help I need
I don't want to fight
the lights flicker on and off,
i take it as a sign
this will last for eternity,
ill never leave you behind
I know now how I feel
my heart screams your name
I just want to hold you
I'm so glad you came
Thank you God for everything
I know everything is good
I love this man with all my heart
and all that I could,
and would
and should
Oh, I love him
Girls are like apples!
Girls are like apples on trees.
The best ones are at the top of the tree.
The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten ones from the ground, that aren't as good, but are easy.
So the apples at the top think there's something wrong with them.
But really, they are amazing.
They just have to wait for the right boy to come along.
The one who is brave enough to climb all the way.
To the top of the tree.
And it inspired me to write this poem:
We are like apples on top of a tree
the best ones are on top
You're to afraid to reach for us
incase you get caught
You dont wanna risk the fall
the pain it may bring
You choose to pick the rotten ones
and have a little fling
you poor guys, your jerks
we think your so wrong
you don't deserve us
but we know the truth
you are so sweet
we've known it all alone
we wait for one of you to come
the breavest of them all
it takes time, we will wait long
for the one who won't fall
oh climb to the top of the tree
it will make you feel free
find the one whos meant to be
oh come to me
Personally I think its cute! and actually pretty true too! :D Males me think of my baby (OBVIOUSLY!! :D) because he DID take a risk with me :) or...well..i took a risk with him BUT either way....I am an apple and he climbed up to find me!
New songs discovered!
I was going through my inbox for my hotmail, like my keepers folder, and I cam across a bunch of recordings I made about 3 or 4 years ago. Low and behold I had some song verses, and ful songs, in there. I wrote down each one and thought I would share. Some of them I totally forgot about. I actually really like em :)
Sometimes I know its hard
To be the one you see in the mirror
But if you don't life could be hell
I don't think you want it to go that way
Just be yourself dont change who you are
If you don't like you, no one will
Just be yourself its worked good so far
I know its a long step up that hill
My name is Draco malfoy, my dad is rela rich
he bought the qudditch team, look at me as that seeker
My name is professor snape I'm the potions master
i dont like that potter boy or his dead father
obviously a joke song :)
Everyday I come home and sit on my bed
I cry the tears Ive held in all day
doesn't anybody realize, the pain im feeling on the inside
doesnt anybody know, that we are all the same
the teasings gotta stop, doesnt anybody realize
there is no gain, to the way your making me feel
This has gotta stop, does it mkae you feel better
maybe a little more suprior, picking on a little girl
this is not cool, leave me alone is all I ask
I know what its like to have no one
staying at home all alone
it's so hard to decide what to do
should I stay or should i go, I dont know
so much lies on what I choose
but I dont know what to do
I'm afraid if I stay, I'll be left out
cuz everytime that I do, I always am
but Im afraid if I go, I'll be bored
I'll have a bad time,
Yes I will
There are so many things to say
So many promises made to go
if they are broken ill go home
yes I will
I'm here alone because of what you did to me
your not the friends i thought i knew
your not the ones I grew to love
and know because of you i here alone with these tears
going down my face
All of these were written in 2007/2008 so they are pretty old, but I do like them and hope to make them into something more :)
Till later,
Nessie <3
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Tattoo...
It didn't even hurt as much as I thought it would. Some parts did, like the shoulder blade (i got t on my left shoulder fyi lol) but besides that it wasnt very painful. I did hold Jeffs hand throughout it, just in case I needed to squeeze it. As soon as I sat down, Mike said "Let me direct you to the sign" and on the wall beside the chair was a sign that said "no whinning" lol. Hes a pretty funny guy. And hes a good artist too. Jeff and I were looking through some of his albums of tats he had done, and some are really really good.
But yeah, I got my first tattoo. Pictures to be posted soon :)
Till later,
Nessie <3
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Good day :)
I think the highlight of day, however, would have to be in Inclusons II. We had finished the roleplay, and were waiting for two of our friends to finish as well so we could leave. Kiana, a friend of mine, was talking about how she had finally got all her assignments done and caught up to date.
Kiana: "I finished all my assignments last night!"
Me: "Good job Kiana! Oh wait, we're not supposed to say that...I see you worked very hard last night,"
It made all my friends laugh! Because, you see, in ECE we ARE NOT supposed to tell the children "Good job" for many reasons. Some of them inslude: Manipulation, taking away their success, and to reinforce good behaviour. You see by saying good job, we are basically telling them they did it right. Like if they did it a different way, it would have been considered wrong. So, I just had to say it to Kiana lol.
But overall, today was a good day. One more day then I have no classes for 3 weeks...one week off (yes can't wait!) for study break, then my 2 week block placement. Cant wait to go see the adroable little kindygarten faces again :D
Till later,
Nessie <3
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Resolved :)
In new news, heres something I wrote on my walk home:
You may think I'm crazy,
or maybe a little insane
but honey when will you learn,
that your the one to blame
Hope you like it!
Nessie <3
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
lied lol
Anywho, I really like, and I wrote it all tonight...of course like I said before I dont play any instruments so my songs are ALWAYS acopella....but oh wellz.
I won't share the song yet, I will, but not yet :P
Poet!
As much as I wish I could write songs, I've come to the decision that I am more of a poet than a song writer. That doesn't mean I'm gonna stop randomly singing verses of songs that I make up, cuz I mean, i love to do that. Something comes to me, I sing it...but I don't play an instrument (as much as I've always wnated to learn to play the guitar...I dont really have the motivation and desire to) so I'll stick to poems. If you think of it, every song is a poem. They rhyme and have a story behind it, and isn't that what a poem is?
I'm happy with being a poet :) I plan on putting all my poems together one day and making a book out of it...that would be cool! It would still cover one of my dreams, which is to publish a novel. If I never finish one, or if never gets published, I can always try my poetry.
Who knows what the world will bring me :) Inspiration is EVREYWHERE. I am constantly having thoughts pop into my head for poems now...just last night I was watchng Jeff sleep and one came to me. Life is full of inspiration, and one day, my inspiration will be a reality...if that even makes sense :P
Till later,
Nessie <3
PS, that doesnt mean I'l stop posting them here, so keep an eye out ;)
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Do you remember when...
Lets flash fowards a bit. Do you remember when you were in grade school? When homework started to build slightly. Kids were pickier on who they were friends with. They critizied you for who you hung out with and how you looked. Again you wanted to grow older, to get bigger, be like your mom or dad.
Let's go a but farther. Do you remember grade 6,7, and 8. When you felt overwhelemed with school work and your friends seemed to matter more. How you dressed, how your hair looked, and even the makeup you wore seemed to be of most importance. When what you did started to really matter. When people started to talk about "your future" more and more.
Let's go even farther, to high school, it was a place you either loved or hated. Personally, i hated high school, it was my worst experience. The only year I enjoyed was grade 11, every other year sucked. This is the time you wanted to be a kid again, and go back to the days you thought were "simple", but at the same time all you wanted to do was grow up and move out, get away from everyone who made your life a living hell. Get away from life. You took on more responsibilities, a job, school work, maybe even relationships. Life became even more stressful.
Now, for me, I'm in my last semester of college and I think back on all of this. I wonder why I ever thought life would be better as an adult. I want to be a kid again, when life was easy, simple, and everything felt right. When what people thought didnt matter, when there wasnt so much work on my plate. When the fact that I'm graduating and going to be out in the real world never even crossed my mind. I didnt worry so much, I didnt care so much.
Sometimes, I really want to go back to that. I think of Taylor Swifts so "never Grow Up" and think yeah, I want to be a kid, I want to be like that.... but at the same time, I want to grow up because I want to get married and have kids. I want to live my life.
So the question remains, is being a kid really better then being an adult. There are so many things about kids we still dont know...like kids are under a lot of stress, you imagine a child who wants to wear a certain top but their mother wont let them...that WILL cause them stress. It seems so mediocre, so simple and such a small thing to stress about...but its true.
Would you rather stress about something like that or something that matters in life...like your kids and your family, your loved ones.
Think about that the next time you wanna be a kid again.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
I Love you because poem
I Love You Because…
I love you because you make me feel special
You can make my heart race
Faster and faster I can’t stop it
And it’s crazy pace
I love you because you make me feel loved
You wrap your arms around me
You hold me tight and kiss my head
The future I can see
I love you because you are so sweet
You are romantic and loving
You can do the smallest thing
My heart, I feel it tugging
I love you because you’re like no one else
You are one of a kind
How could I ever have doubted you?
Man I was blind
I love you because you never gave up
Baby you kept trying
I gotta say you made me fall
Without even lying
I love you because your there for me
Whenever I need a hand
I know I can always count on you
To help me off the land
I love you because you always accept me
And everything I am
I know sometimes I'm crazy
But you don’t give a damn
I love you because you respected me
You waited till it was right
You never imagined pressuring me
And we had a wonderful night
I love you because you can make me crazy
Sometimes you stress me out
But we always work our way through it
Without any doubt
I love you for the little things
No holes you need to dig
Just keep doing what you do
I don’t need anything big
I love you because you are unique
Like no one I've ever met
You’re loyal to those you care and love
Like me, your family, your pet
I love you because I can trust you
I know you’d never lie
You would never want to hurt me
You’ll never say goodbye
I love you because you love me
You’ve let me into your heart
You never thought you ever would
Feel again this art
I love you because you’ve made me see
Who I am inside
You’ve made me see so many things
I now show it on the outside
I love you because of everything
I can’t put into words
You mean so very much to me
You are my whole world
I love you because my heart wants to
I wouldn’t want it any other way
I'm here for you, forever and always
You’ve just gotta say
I love you because no ones made me feel this way
Nobody, none
I hope you know how I feel
I love you, plus 1
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
I Love You Because...
Till Later,
Nessie <3
BUT heres a SMALL piece of it:
I love you for the little things
No holes you need to dig
Just keep doing what you do
I don’t need anything big
Bad night
I'm all alone in this world
theres no one to hold
and no one to talk to
except my baby you
Thoughts are going through my head
as I lay here in this bed
slowly going crazy here
and sadly theres nobody near
This was the first one I wrote.... the next one is of similar context
Laying in this bed here
remembering when you were near
We'd talk about everything we did
Never did I imagine our friendship bent
The night would fall, we'd turn the lights out
your prents down the hall with all their doubt
They never thought I was good for you
but your sisters did, and your brothers too
I miss those times we used to have
all the times we'd share a laugh
How could I ever have known
that I'd be all this way all alone
You were in my life for 5 years gone
I sit here and wonder as I sing our song
When will I see you, how long will it be
and when you look, will you miss me?
This one I wrote as I thought about how alone I really am. Sure I have my mom and my sister, and yeah I do have friends...but I dont have anyone I can really talk to about my problems because...I dont want my mom to know about some of the problems I go through, and I dont wanna hear my sisters advise again... and I mean I have my love, but I cant vent to him about him can I?
But this is where my life is right now. Ive been here before, its just been so long since I had been this alone...5 years in fact...that I forgot how lonely it could be. I'll get used to it though, I did before, and I will again. To me, this is how my life is...friends come and go in life. Nothing lasts for ever. And if someday I find friends who will be there for me when i need them, friends I can vent to and talk about shit with...then thatll happen. For now, I'll vent and rant and write about it the only way I know how...in stories, in song/poems..and in blogs.
Till later,
Nessie <3
Sunday, February 6, 2011
EDIT!!
it's the calm before the storm
tears are falling down my face
i can't take this anymore
The earth shakes, the air cracks
my heart is breaking at the thought
of not having you in my life
and the happiness you've brought
My hand in yours our hearts are one
baby don't ever leave
I love you, forgive me
please dont leave me be
I was looking through the old posts and came across this one... I onyl chnaged the last line. It used to say for just being myself and I changed it to please dont leave me be. Doesn't it just work sooo much better?! :D
*EDIT*
here is another verse:
Feels like my hearts on fire
like a big hot flame
or maybe wrapped in barb wire
how could I ever forget your name
Heartaches
im feeling depressed and blue
me heart aches for your embrace
and to wipe these tears from my face
A new one I wrote on friday....ver very very bad day and night, but in the end...everything was alright <3
1 year
Jeff asked me to put this as his faceboo status, and i couldn't have said it better myself
"happy 1 year baby i love you your such a perfect girlfriend i cant wait for years to come every minute with u is better than the last"
it captures everything about us perfectly. I love him soooo fucking much. I also cant wait for the years to come.I bought him an 8 picture slide pictureframe and filled it with pictures of our year together. The flowers he bought me the day we started dating, our 1 month, wonderland, the wedding, skating, christmas, and new years. Everything we've done, ever love filled moment weve had. Everything about us. He loved it. He said he has never had "couple pictures" that hes desplayed before...thats because he has never had someone as special as me. He loves me. I am the best girlfriend he has ever had. He says it all the time. And I believe him.
I cant wait for him to get home, sadly he had t work 5-12 today...but we had last night together...and we have tonight and tomorrow night cuz I dont have placement for 3 weeks...it wll be nice. He says hes gonna make up the fact that hes broke and cant get me anything...he says when he gets his income tax, hell make it up to me. I told him it doesnt matter, that its not about gifts and stuff, but hes determined. he feels bad.
Dear god, I seriosuly love him
till later,
Nessie <3
good bye
i couldnt see me leaving, and i mean never
but some things happen, thats how it is
so I'll say good bye with this final kiss
for years we stood hand in hand
you picked me up off the land
when i was down your brought me up
you should have won the best friend cup
its so hard to find a friend like you
but now I know, it was never true
we are so different, not the same
where can we lay the final blame?
I'll leave you with these final words
so you can soar like a free bird
know i'll always remember you here
in my heart, I'll miss you, my dear
i will always remember you
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Free
Why do these tears fall down my face
Feelng as if my lifes in a brace
all I want is to feel your embrase
around me
I love you, my heart screams your name
but I cant help but feel the blame
for everything thats happened and soon to be
Sometimes I want to feel free
So I'm feeling very upset right now, for reasons I'm not going to explain because its no ones buisness, but Ive been emotionally messed up these past days. Yesterday I was feeling lonely and sad and pretty much depressed or something, and all I wanted was Jeffs arms around me. All I wanted to feel was his love for me. I needed it. I've also been touchy too, like he can say something as a joke but I take it seriosuly...I dont know whats wrong with me. Maybe I'm sex deprived. That could be it... I mean I've been, as Jeff calls it, "Broken" for the past week, and last week was a little off for us too...maybe all I need is to get layed. I need to feel emotionally loved, as well as physical...I need to feel SOMETHING! I mean I feel loved, of course I do, but...I dunno I just need to really FEEL it!
I said to Jeff the other day that I've been feeling unattrcatove lately because sometimes he's in a mood where he doesnt wanna be touched, or I'll accidentally tickle him when I touch him so he'll pull away cuz he HATES to be tickled, and as much as it was an accident it still bothers him, and I mean I can understand that, but it felt as if it was happening a lot more the past week or 2 and no matter what I did to try to turn him on, he just wasn't...and it was making me feel bad. When I told him how I was feeling, how I felt like he didnt want me, he said "I always want you nessie" which, to be honest, didnt make me feel to much better.
I dunno, it just seems like his sexual drive is down, while mine is WAY up...sounds weird but true, and I am not sexually experienced so in all honesty I feel uncomfortable starting things unless he leads me too...so I dunno...
This post got way off topic though lol, not that i mind if anyone feels uncomfortable dont read it! But really, I'm feeling down lately and all I want is my baby with me. But hes not...seeing as I have a 9am class tomorrow and have to get up at 8 (7 if i was staying at his place), and some good news has come about in his family so hes out celebrating. He doesnt work tomorrow so its not too big a deal, I guess, but well....thats a hole nother story Im not getting into.
I guess Ill stick to my music for now.
Nessie <3